Martin Phillip Bedogne

The Arrival of 2012

2012-01-03T12:56:00.000-08:00

As 2012 arrived, here in Los Angeles, we had an arsonist lighting fires around town. Unusual, to be sure, as the old Los Angeles of the 90's that we all knew so well, with quakes and fires and riots and floods, seems to have given way, overall, to a far more peaceful place. Crime rates not seen since the 1950's, neighborhoods that have gone from not so nice to much better, and an overall feeling that this city is a lot better than it was.

So why this arsonist? Why, as a group, have we Angelenos let this person, these events into our collective reality? I have thought about this - and what comes up for me is that perhaps - we have gotten a bit too complacent here. Most people, when asked about the economy, say that they are "waiting for the real estate market to re-bound" "waiting for the economy to turn-around," while all the while, we walk with latte cup in hand, down sun drenched streets, sit at outdoor cafes, and hike for hours through the hills of LA. Far more nature here than I ever imagined when I moved here years ago.

I sense that perhaps, this year will bring a change that many of us feel inside, but few are willing to acknowledge, or even fathom. A change in economics, a change in finances, a change in our usual patterns of "waiting for someone to make it better." Here is one simple truth: if we really wanted to stop this arsonist, we here in Hollywood and West Hollywood and around LA would come together in our neighborhoods and take to the streets. We would not sit inside and sleep with one ear to the wall, hoping that no one lights a fire in our carports. We would not wait and hope and depend on the police, the fire department to come to our rescue - to take care of us.

If we really wanted to, what we would do is come together and take shifts. Not armed with guns or weapons, but with cell phones, and cameras. Two people from each building, 2 hour shifts from sun down to sun up, walking the neighborhoods, getting to know each other, and keeping an eye out for not only the arsonist, but any other unsavory characters.

Perhaps, as the occupiers have taught us, we, the people can stand up on our own two feet, and perhaps we are being challenged to do just that. Not to wait and worry and sit inside in fear, but to take back our neighborhoods, and in peaceful strength make known to all - be it an arsonist or a drug dealer, that our neighborhoods are run by us, and we have the power here. Not you.

If this year does bring changes, if we are faced with the realization that our economy is not just going to bounce back, but must in some ways - fall apart - so that we can create something better, then our own resilience and self-sustenance - will bring us through. Perhaps, we are being challenged to consider that no one else is really responsible for keeping me and my neighborhood safe. Perhaps we will find that no financial institution is actually responsible for taking care of my money, or that the economy is not some magic bullet that can suddenly turn around and take us back to a place where we feel secure.

Perhaps, what we are being challenged to do is to give up our long-held tendency to turn over power. If the occupiers taught us anything, so far, it is that we, the 99 percent, when we come together and assert our power, we are far more powerful than any crook, arsonist, banker, corporation, or politician. We hold in our hands and in our hearts the power to re-create our lives however we choose. But as long as we sit and wait for someone to do it for us, we will continue to be disappointed, because no matter how good the police are, they cannot police every inch of the city, the fire department cannot be everywhere at once, and a government cannot be depended on to take care of me. Only I can do that.

The high priestess of Atlantis - at the seeing pool.

2011-12-19T09:28:00.000-08:00

This haunting image, courtesy of artist, Christopher Grant. Excerpt from my novel Atlantis - available at Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com for Kindle, nook, and all ebook formats. The magic of Atlantis continues... as Miria, the high priestess sees the imminent demise of Atlantis and ultimately struggles with a grim reality - no matter how hard she tries, she cannot save them all.

Miria leads Lenara out of the breezeway and up the goddess’s left arm. “Be careful, it can be slippery,” she says. They step carefully across the open palm, along the forearm, through the crease of the elbow, and then finally, stand perched on the goddess’s great shoulder. “This way,” Miria continues, guiding Lenara behind the goddess’s head, down a narrow path, and to a shallow pool that bubbles from an underground spring.

“What is this?” Lenara asks.

“You’ll see.”

Lenara steps to the water’s edge. “Don’t get too close,” Miria warns, as she lifts her arms to the sky and closes her eyes. For a moment, it is as if the elements of the earth pause, to re-organize themselves, then Lenara feels a tingling all over her body, as electricity accumulates in the air. A clap of thunder shakes the mountain, and a single bolt of lightning hits the pond.

An image takes form in the ripples: The Island of Atlantis sits peacefully in the middle of a vast ocean. Thunder cracks again, another strike of lightning hits the water, and the image shutters and shakes violently. Lenara covers her ears as the cries of a million terrified humans rise to a deafening level, and the island of Atlantis breaks into pieces, and falls into the sea.

The image dissolves, and Miria lets her arms drop, sweat dripping from her face. “There,” she says. “Now you see what I see.”

The Dolphins and Atlantis

2011-11-28T11:46:00.001-08:00

An excerpt from my novel: Atlantis... where the dolphins are far more wise and courageous than most of the citizens of Atlantis...

As Lenara lets out a sigh, she feels a tug on her leg and spins around to find Celeste, the seven year old daughter of her childhood friend Mena, peering up at her, grinning from ear to ear, and arching her eyebrows wildly.

“Oh – they’re beautiful!” Lenara exclaims, touching Celeste’s face, careful not to smudge the ink used to transform her eyebrows into two leaping dolphins. “Do they have names?”

“Codi and Pak,” Celeste says.

“I should have guessed.” Lenara kisses Celeste on the forehead. “I’m afraid the stories are still missing.”

“Oh well,” Celeste says, “we know them by heart anyway.”

“I suppose that’s true,” Lenara concedes. Celeste takes her hand and pulls her through the aisles.

“You start,” Celeste says.

“All right,” Lenara begins, “these stories…”

“Are to be shared with all of our children…” Celeste jumps in.

“From their earliest days…” Lenara continues.

“That they may never forget who they are!” Celeste finishes.

“Yes!” Lenara lifts Celeste into her arms and they drop down onto a bench carved from the fossilized jawbone of some ancient mammal.

“Tell me the story of Dolphin Cove,” Celeste demands, as she dangles her legs between the creature’s giant teeth.

“Again?”

“Yes – please.”

.... MORE TO COME...

2011-11-14T11:14:00.001-08:00

Photo courtesy of Christopher Grant

An excerpt from my novel ATLANTIS:

Atar kisses Miria’s hand, and walks to the edge of the cliff. The billowing fog parts, revealing the pyramid shaped tip of a tall, lean, structure, nearly on level with the temple mount.

“Atar?”

“Yes?”

“Remember what I said… about the crystals - they trust you.”

Atar nods, then steps off the cliff and onto a steep path. He winds down the hillside, picking up speed along the way, and enjoying the moist air on his face. He stops suddenly, when a great gust of wind rolls up the hillside, cutting the fog, and offering glimpses of Poseidia, the City of Golden Rings, laid out below, and surrounded by the sea.

“One, two, three, four, five….” he whispers, counting the alternating rings of land and water that make up the city - a habit he had begun as a boy that he could never bring himself to break. “Nine, ten, eleven, twelve... twelve, plus the center, makes thirteen. Just as it should be.”

Atar continues down the hillside. Along the way, to the east, he counts seven islands in Lemur Island chain, then to the west, the remains of thirteen great stone dolphins that encircle the warm waters of Dolphin Cove. He turns back to glance up at the Temple of the Goddess, sitting peacefully on a bluff, the greater Mt. Poseidia towering overhead, its tallest peak, capped with snow.

Finally, the fog clears, and the rest of the pyramid tipped structure comes into view, rising like a beacon out of the center of the city, its true identity concealed behind a protective cloth cover that billows in the wind. Atar feels a twinge of anxiety, when he sees waves of people pouring into the Central Plaza, and toward the mysterious building.

Beneath his feet, the rugged trail turns into a manicured, stone path, then it levels off, and he steps onto a moving walkway that carries him seamlessly through the city.

2011-11-02T09:08:00.000-07:00

It has been quite a while since I have posted here on this blog - I have gone through a period of really figuring out what the heck I am doing here. I would not say I have it ALL figured out, but I am truly getting there. Along the way, I finished two books: Atlantis (posted below) a wonderful tale and wonderful co-creation.

I also finished the first in a series of short journals entitled 10,000 Ghosts. Each volume includes a number of journal entries where I documented my past life explorations. And each contains my take on what these lives are, and what they mean, and how they have changed me along the way.

I have shared bits and pieces of these writings (Atlantis & 10,000 Ghosts) in the past, on previous posts, and now that they are published, I will begin to share more. So keep watch!

We are in a time of such tremendous change - economically, socially, and spiritually, that I think it is important for us to stay grounded in fun, adventurous tales, and fascinating explorations. So - I will be here - now - from time to time - sharing more. It has been a wild 2011, and I suspect, 2012 will knock our socks off. I encourage you to share as well.

http://www.amazon.com/Ghosts-Journal-Past-Lives-ebook/dp/B005U4EDCC/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1320249432&sr=1-1

2011-11-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

ATLANTIS - The Novel, is now available on Kindle & Nook!

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Atlantis/Martin-Bedogne/e/2940013228146

It has been a heck of wild ride, working with two wonderful co-creators, Janet Whitener, and Don Marr, flushing out a story that is both intimate, and epic. I hope you enjoy reading Atlantis. Keep watch here and on Facebook for updates on further releases.

A Past Life as a Middle-Aged Woman on a Frigid Russian Plain

2010-06-23T14:46:00.000-07:00

This is a past life that I have explored, that keeps unveiling itself to me in deeper ways - love, betrayal, and ultimately, choosing to love yourself.

She is a strong woman, sturdy. I smell fish. She stands outside of a cabin built of rocks, smoke pouring from the chimney. Her hands are cold, red, scarred. I can see the fog of her breath drifting slowly from her mouth. It sits nearby in the cold air. There is snow all around, and ice. A ray of sun peaks through the clouds and warms her face. She is cleaning a bucket full of fish out there in the cold. The bucket is made of wood thatched together with a wire of some sort. She wears layers of clothing, but her hands must be bare to cut and clean the fish.

Inside now, she warms her frigid hands over the fire and cuts pieces of fish into a pot of stew that hangs over the flames. There is one room, a heavy wood table in the middle for eating and preparing food. Sleeping areas consist of layers of animal – perhaps seal skin – and rough wool blankets. She is not happy, but she knows that she has a purpose: to care for her son, who is still young, 11 or 12 years old.

I can now see her with him when he was even younger. He would stay home with her while her husband, his father, was out fishing. She taught him to read, as best she could and they laughed together. When she is with him, there is a spark of light in her eye. She loves this boy and he is her only reason for being.

Back in the cabin, she continues to cut fish into the pot then hears voices outside. It is her husband and her son, now 12 years old, returning from a day of fishing and hunting. The door bangs open and they come in. Her husband, a brute, simply proclaims “There’s a pile of fish outside that need cleaning”

She kisses her boy on the cheek, and dishes up the food. It is a steaming hot fish stew and her husband is unhappy at eating this yet again. She tells him “why don’t you bring home something else to eat then?” and he nearly hits her in his anger. She gazes upon her boy, his dirty blond hair and ruddy red cheeks and smiles. Such love she has for him that is it the only thing that is keeping her alive.

I then flash on a series of images of this woman taking her beloved boy to the circus when it would come to the nearby town. She loved the theatrical display, the high wire, and so did he. It was her way of showing her son that there is more out there for him. There is more to this world than this cold, smelly, frozen place. Indeed, it was her way of remembering this too.

Back at the table, her 12 year old son and her brute of a husband eating their fish stew, she tells her son that she saw the circus caravan from afar. It is heading to the town once again, that they will go to see it. Her husband erupts in anger. His rage has been building at her trying to show the boy that there is more in the world. To him, the boy is his and the boy, will stay. And to fill his head with dreams of something more, is not allowed. He forbids her to take him to the circus.

Next, I go to perhaps 3 years later. She has continued to cut and clean the fish in this frigid place, and to love the sight of her son returning each day, after fishing with her husband. There is no love in her life except for that of her son. On this day, her son and her husband had left early, as always. On this day, her son left without saying goodbye. She had seen this coming. Her son was becoming more like his father.

He grabbed the wrapped food that she had prepared for them and went out the door without a word. He was not trying to hurt her, but she was hurt. He did not realize that the flash of his eyes, looking into hers before he left to go out into this forsaken world, was all that she had. I think in that moment, she realized that she may have lost him. That the loving and warm boy who she had raised, was becoming his father.

Toward nightfall, she was cutting potatoes into that pot of stew that was steaming over the flames of the fireplace. I can smell the fish and the dirty clothes. I can see that there is a carcass of perhaps elk, outside, and strips of meat hanging over the fire as well.

Night came, and her husband and son did not return. She walked outside, bracing from the icy wind and looked out over the cold, moonlit plain, but they were not there. She sat inside, ate a piece of potato from the stew, and waited. She picked up a book that she had used to teach her boy the basics of reading. Her husband had ripped it in half one night in his rage. He was as terrified of losing the boy as she was.

The next morning, the next day, came and went. They did not return. Gazing out over the frozen plane on that day, she saw the circus caravan off in the distance. It was heading for the town. It was in that moment, that she made a decision. She looked one last time off into the distance and there was no one there. She quickly gathered up a few of her things and threw them into a burlap sack.

It was time for her to go. She would seize the opportunity to escape. I can see her eyes welling up. Wondering if she just stayed a bit longer, if her son, the boy she so dearly loved, would return and she could save him from becoming his father. But she knew better. It was too late. She made sure that the fire was stoked and that there was a full pot of stew simmering on the flames, then left the cabin without looking back.

This was the first time she had made a choice in honor of herself. She had turned over her life to her husband and child and now it was time for her to do this for herself. It felt strange, walking out over that cold plain on her own, but I can feel that the closer she got to the town, the more powerful she felt. She did not look back at the cabin. Not even once.

The next thing I see is her sitting alone watching the circus, in this town. She had always fantasized about running away with them. Discovering a new world and leaving her old life behind. The only thing that had kept her in that frigid place, with a husband just as frigid, was the boy. And I think in that moment, as she sits there and watches the trapeze and the crowd is cheering, and the tears are running down her cheeks, she is at once terrified, but more alive than ever in her life.

She even eats cotton candy. Just as she did with her boy, when she would sneak him away to see the circus and they would marvel at the magic of it all. I can feel her cry. At feeling alone in the world, to no longer have her boy at her side, but also, at choosing herself for the first time in her life.

While I would like to say that this dear woman joined the circus and went off to start a new life, I don’t think that is what happened. I think that she died soon after this - some illness that perhaps had been there for a long time that finally took over. She died wondering if she should have scooped up her son when he was young and escaped from that husband and that horrible place. She died wondering why it took her so long. But also, she died feeling that at last, she had made a choice for herself. She deserved more. She deserved more love. And for her, this was perhaps the most important realization of all.

Are we ready for an ET reveal?

2010-04-26T10:20:00.001-07:00

Recently, I have picked up a lot of information on the Internet and otherwise, about an imminent (some say) ET reveal that will be presented by several world leaders to all of us humans who populate the planet.

It has been suggested that this will be broadcast, and that we will finally be presented with the news that ET's do exist, and have been with us, even working with us for a very long time.

The funny thing about this, is that I have always felt that this was the case. I have always felt that there are others out there in the universe and beyond, and that it would be rather silly to imagine that we humans are all alone here.

So to me, whether this reveal comes sooner or later, it is the impact of this that I find really fascinating. I imagine that there will be those who fall into fear (did anyone watch "V" a few months ago? How about "Independence Day"?

Just yesterday, strange words from Steven Hawking, warning us that if ET's do exist we should stay away from them, because they may be dangerous. Seems strange for a man of science to issue such a blanketed declaration of fear.

Regardless, my feeling is this. I believe that we are not alone, and that it is quite likely that we have been visited, even monitored by ET's for as long as the earth has been present and certainly as long as humanity has been blossoming and blowing ourselves up here on this planet.

If ET's had wanted to take over the world, they would have been smarter to take it over two hundred years ago when the oceans were far less polluted, natural resources were largely untapped, and there were far less humans here to get in the way. Not to mention that there were no nuclear missiles to hurl at them.

I imagine that the knowledge of "others" will change our world in many ways. We will be challenged to consider that the differences we see in each other are really silly, given that we share the universe with so many different life forms.

We will be challenged to re-think religion, who we are, where we come from, and where we are headed. We will be challenged to expand our view of Life and lifeforms. And if we open up lines of communication with ET's (who, by the way, likely refer to us as ET's)then it may seem not so impossible to open the lines of communication between the Israelis and the Palestinians, or the Indians and Pakistanis, or for that matter, any waring faction who believe that their differences are totally insurmountable.

So - I say this - whether we have a splashy ET reveal or not - let us imagine that it is so - let us imagine that there is something far greater than us, that there is something outside of us that is not the enemy, but another part of the family.

Let us consider that we have an extended family in the universe and that if God created us, whatever God you imagine, then God created them as well. And if we can let ourselves imagine this, then maybe we can get beyond these old, rigid belief systems that just keep tearing human from human.

Do we really need to see ET's flashed across television in order to push us to expand ourselves? Well - maybe - but wouldn't be nice, if each of us, individually looked at our own lives and considered our own beliefs and considered this: Is what I believe, no matter where I inherited it from, a belief that brings people together, or a belief that tears us apart? Is my belief about my neighbor, the church across the street, about blacks, about whites, about gays, about the Catholics, about any other human, a belief that opens hearts, or clamps them down?

Is what I believe creating more love, more compassion in the world, or is it creating discord? These are the questions to ask ourselves, and I suppose if it takes the appearance of ET's to get us there, then so be it. But I suggest that the experience will be far less daunting if we make the changes in ourselves now, rather than wait for something outside of ourselves to push us to it.

And so be it - I say - if there are ET's who have been with us for millennia, then I am ready to meet them. We are not alone in the universe, this I believe, and we cannot hide in our corner of the room forever. So - I say - let the adventure begin!

Healing the Present, by Re-living the Past... John: Part 1

2010-03-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

Is it possible that another lifetime can overlay so closely onto this life, that it begins to bleed into this reality? And if this is possible, then is there a purpose? And if there is a purpose, then what is it, and what the hell are we suppose to do with it?

One of the first lifetimes that I experienced was some years ago when I was having irrational fears about the people who I loved, walking away from me. I would imagine my parents turning away, my siblings, my friends. Mostly, my parents. They were turning away, in this irrational fear, because I had not become what they thought I should have become. I had not become successful enough, or wealthy enough. I had not become what they wanted me to become. Time had run out and they could only believe in me for so long, and then they would pull away their love.

I looked at my own parents, and knew that this was an irrational fear. They had always been there for me, and no matter what I chose, be it a good choice or one not so good, they always stuck by me - without question. Yet I kept, in my dreams, and in my head, I seeing them turning away, leaving me alone in the world.

I sat at my computer one day and said – all right – It is time for me to get to the bottom of this. I had been journaling as a way to work through my issues for years and had developed a sense of when, while writing, I opened up into some greater understanding. There was always a moment, when I felt my consciousness expand, and in came some greater knowledge, or understanding.

So – I decided that if I could do this in my usual writing then I could certainly use this ability to find out just where this irrational fear of losing love was coming from.

I started writing and decided that I would not stop until I had an answer. And after about a half hour of more surface thoughts, I felt a pressure on the side of my head, then the moment of opening occurred. I found myself writing a note. “They have all walked away from me… and I am alone.” I felt an ache in my heart, so deep, that my chest seemed to cave in.

I found myself sitting at a slanted desk. I looked at my hands, and they were pretty much my own, though perhaps a bit older. I was wearing a white robe of sorts, with long sleeves, and a faded gold embroidery around the edges. The cloth was worn, as if it used to be quite beautiful, but now it was thread bare in places, and the seams where a bit frayed.

I was in a second floor flat, with white stucco walls, and shuttered windows. I had long, dark, curly hair, and a bit of a beard. I was tall, thin, and wearing leather sandals. They too were worn. I had blue eyes.

As I wrote the note, I could see my father wearing much the same type of robe, angrily turning away from me, with my mother standing behind him. He said that I was a disgrace, that he had supported me long enough, and that they were ashamed of me. That I was a failure. I knew in that moment that in that life, I was a writer, and I came from a good family with money, and status in the area. I also knew that I had reached the expiration date that my father had given me to succeed at my artistic ventures. And I could feel the hurt, I could feel my heart clench tight, as I watched him toss some money in my hand, and walk away.

The next thing I saw was me sitting at a table with a lot of friends, all dressed in some type of colorful, boisterous costumes. I knew that we were part of an acting troop, and we were out drinking ale from large silver steins after a show or rehearsal. And I was sitting there, not in costume, but in the same white robe, staring off into the distance, feeling utterly alone.

Next, I saw the final straw that had lead me to write this note – I could see a young woman with beautiful curly hair and freckles and she is angry at me and we are arguing right there in my flat and she is crying and she has tears on her cheeks and she says – “I can’t take it anymore.” And runs down the stairs. It was right after she ran out and I watched her running down the cobblestone lane below, that I sat at this desk, and wrote what would become my suicide note.

This man, I call him John, finishes the note, and rises from this slanted desk. He looks around his tiny flat one last time, then walks down the tile steps to the cobblestone lane below. He hangs his head as he walks. I can feel the surface of the street through my sandals. I can feel the sun on the back of my neck. All of the buildings are two levels, stucco, white, or pink, with shutters.

I walk out of town to a place that I know well. A very large, round rock that sits on the shore of a large body of water – a lake – or the Mediterranean sea, perhaps. I sit on the rock, this place where I go so often to think, and I can feel its warmth against my legs.

As I sit there, I can see a line down the center of my vision, almost a split screen. On the left is the water, and I can see myself just walking into the water, and never coming out. On the right is the village, and I can see myself getting up from the rock and walking back into the village. My choice is there for me: To live, or to die. Either choice is valid.

After a moment of thought, I get up from the rock and I walk into the cool water. And I never come out. I choose to take my life.

Now, as I, Martin, am writing this, and seeing this, and re-living this in my head, I am feeling everything that John is feeling. The desperation, and the sorrow, the hopelessness, and even the self pity. And when I lose myself in the water, and I know that it is done. I, John, feel all of it lifting out of me. As I, Martin, sit at my desk in my apartment in West Hollywood on a Spring day, I feel the fear of losing love, that had brought me to this story, lifting out of me, as well.

A PAST LIFE REGRESSION, WITH A VERY FAMILIAR FACE – The Conclusion

2010-02-08T10:55:00.000-08:00

The hand that reached for me beneath water was attached to my dad. He looked the same, perhaps more as he did a few years before, healthy, vital, his face was full and beaming. His smile, and his exhilaration were unmistakable. I was wearing a white toga of sorts, with faded gold embroidery around the sleeves and neckline, and he was wearing something quite similar, though his embroidery was a brilliant gold.

He proceeded to sit me down on a large piece of driftwood, then sat next to me, and opened his arms, ready to share with me, just what I needed to hear, and feel. His first words were, “Marty – don’t carry life so heavily on your shoulders. You tend to do this, and there is no reason to do this,” As he spoke he became even more animated, like the sometimes boisterous Italian that he was.

“Life – is nothing but a play – it is just like what Shakespeare said! You choose your costumes, you write the story, and when you’re done, you take off the costume. And I was simply ready to take off my costume.”

He repeated this several times in a variety of ways, doing his best to get through the heaviness that I was carrying – about his death, about life, about the usual things, I suppose that weigh heavily on most of us.

“We take all of this way too seriously – lighten up - it is a play – a grand play – and you can play any role you want – there is no need to carry life so heavily!”

As I remember back on the moment, and his words, and his face, so full of joy, I understand now that at the time, he had just recently taken off his costume, and let the curtain close on his play. He had just left his body a couple of weeks before, and he, himself, was just remembering all of this too – he was excited to have re-discovered this for himself, and really excited that he had the opportunity to share this with me, his youngest son.

We sat on that piece of driftwood for what seemed like several minutes, as he continued to remind me of more of the same… it is all a play, you choose your costume, you write the story, and you don’t need to carry life so heavily – it is suppose to be fun – it is simply, a grand play. Lighten up, Marty, lighten up!

He hugged me when he was finished talking, and I, now John, walked back into the village. I can remember the walk – down the dirt paths, feeling the warm sun on my shoulders, tears running down my cheeks. I can remember looking down at my feet, and feeling the cobblestone road through the bottom of my worn sandals.

And as for me, Martin, I opened my eyes in the reclining chair in Rick’s office, grabbed a box of tissue, and felt better – lighter – as if the grieving had lifted, and as if so much of the heaviness that had carried around and had built up over the years, was dissolving.

It was not that Dad had some great power, it was that I did. That I do. I have the power to open to something greater, something much grander. I have the power to lift the heaviness that is so easy to carry while walking this planet. I have the power to understand so much more, and all it really takes is a willingness to open the door. I swung it open on that day, and quickly realized that there was no going back. Happy day.

A Past Life Regression, with a Very Familiar Face - Part 1

2010-01-27T10:29:00.000-08:00

It was about three years ago, when I sat in the office of a very gentle, and skilled hypnotherapist named Rick McFall. I had been working with Rick, researching this phenomenon of past life regression. I had viewed and taped several sessions, but I had yet to do one on my own. I had done one “official” regression session in the past, but for the most part, had developed my own way of connecting with these past life experiences.

I would sit down, start writing, and as I let go of my ego, I would begin writing as someone else. Someone who was me, definitely, but not me. And inevitably, this personality would bring forth the answers that I needed to some present day confusion, or issue, that I just could not seem to find an answer to.

On this day, however, three or so years ago, Rick asked me if I wanted to do a session on my own. He felt that there was something or someone there who wanted to speak. I resisted. I revealed to him that my dad had died just about two weeks before, but did not reveal that my biggest fear was that if I went under hypnosis, I might let down my guard, and all of the bottled up emotion that comes when someone you love dies, would some how cause me to melt away, or leave me a quivering mess. Truthfully, I did not know what would come out, but I was not sure I was ready to find out.

One week later, I was back, in the recliner, ready to give it a go. I knew that hypnosis was not an “out of body” experience – that I would remain fully aware of myself, and yet also aware of something larger. Perhaps, I will be able to retain some semblance of control, I thought. As I went under, following the usual path – a beach, the water on my feet, the sand between my toes, I was surprised to find myself revisiting a lifetime that a few years before, had been significant.

This man, I called him “John” was a writer, who lived in an Italian village in what I took to be the 1300’s. Why I see his name as “John” is beyond me, but perhaps it is just an iconic name, that means something more to me. I don’t imagine there were too many men named “John” at that time in Italy, but no matter.

John, his full story I will relate in a later entry, was a writer, who in a moment of desperation killed himself. He walked into the warm waters of the Mediterranean and never came out. His father had pulled away his support, and love, feeling embarrassed that John has not lived up the family expectations. The final straw was when his girlfriend, who he loved so deeply, walked out on him, for the same reasons, or so thought.

As it turned out, John was not without his faults. He was somewhat self absorbed, and tended to wallow a bit in self pity. He carried life heavily on this shoulders, and in the moment of choice, he could have walked back into the village, or taken his life. He chose the latter.

As I fell into a peaceful, relaxed state on the recliner, I found myself, John, once again, standing at the water’s edge. This time, I was atop a steep cliff overlooking the ocean below. I took a deep breath, and leapt off. I sunk deeper and deeper under the clear water, and as if I had stepped outside of time, I watched the world above disappear. I was not afraid, I was not in a panic, I just was.

After a moment of taking in the underwater surroundings, I saw a hand reaching for me from above my head. I looked at it, sensing that it was familiar, and took hold. I was pulled back to the surface, and onto the shore.

The hand was attached to my dad. He looked the same, perhaps more as he did a few years before, healthy, vital, his face was full and beaming. His smile, and his exhilaration were unmistakable. I was wearing a white toga of sorts, with faded gold embroidery around the sleeves and neckline, and he was wearing something quite similar, though his embroidery was a brilliant gold. He proceeded to sit me down on a large piece of driftwood, then sat next to me, and opened his arms, ready to share with me, just what I needed to hear, and feel.

… to be continued

LIFE on EARTH

2010-01-16T10:46:00.000-08:00

I had an image recently. Not a dream, as I was totally awake, but it came to me in the car yesterday, driving around LA – I believe on my way from Starbucks, to the gym. Such a glamorous life I do lead. In the awake dream, I am auditioning for a role in a play that is taking place on earth – it is actually a play that I am writing – and in fact, I am writing a play within a play, within a much larger play.

As I plan, on the other side, in a place that feels far more real, than the surreal traffic in LA, I look at all of the roles that I have played, over so many lives, on earth. It is like I am flipping through images on a touch video screen. I take a deep breath, and sigh. It feels overwhelming in that moment, to even consider, coming back here again.

My most recent lives on earth were tumultuous. Exhilarating, yes, but hard, painful, and disappointing. Yet, I cannot deny, that I have a strong pull toward earth. That place – her mountains, her seas, her deserts, the sets for so many plays that I had written and starred in for so many eons. She was, is, so special to me. Very special, indeed.

I have been with earth, since before it began. Since it rose out of the ether - the dust of space, made real by the thoughts and desires of literally, millions of souls. We were anxious to create a playground, a stage, a place where we can explore ourselves, a place that we can call our own. I was there when it formed, when it molded, and as molten lava ran across its surface.

I was there, when this beautiful planet sprung to life, when water first ran across her surface, and when it was ready, suitable, for us to come down, to take on human or human like bodies and to begin our grand play. The prelude was over, the stage was set, the props were laid out, and so we began, and so I began.

Together, we built great civilizations, we lived at peace, and we lived at war. I was there when so many of our creations fell apart, when civilizations tumbled into the sea, and when they rose again, from the sea floor. I was there when we created religion, when we dappled with the idea of God, and when we began fighting each other relentlessly over who was right, and who was wrong. And I was there, in a very recent life, in the early part of the 20th century that was hard. Very hard. Amazingly, here I was again, contemplating yet another return to earth. I could almost feel my stomach turn.

And so, as I prepared, on the other side, planning, meeting, laying out what I wanted to accomplish if I were to undertake another life on this planet earth, I met with family who had also played in my earth bound productions, and I had intern, played in theirs. We were siblings, lovers, enemies, friends, husbands, wives, parents, children, slaves, masters, murderers, and victims. We had played just about every role that we could imagine, and yet, we all felt as if we were not quite finished with this production, that we called ‘Earth”. We felt that we still needed to close the curtain on the production that we had been playing in for so long, and begin a new act. A new chapter. So, here we were, planning again.

Although it may sound strange, I remember this. Perhaps I have simply created the imagery in my mind, or perhaps these images are real, in any case, I seem to remember certain moments during this time. I remember that I was apprehensive. In fact, there was a moment, where I said – “No – absolutely not – I am not going back there again. It was too hard, too painful, and filled with so much sorrow, that I could not imagine living out yet another lifetime in ‘that place’ that seemed to create nothing but unfulfilled dreams, and disappointment.”

I imagine the others, not without their own apprehension, gathering around me for a pep talk. “Come on now – we know that it can be tough down there. We know that life on earth can be rather unforgiving. We know this because we have all been there, with you, thousands of times. But, dear one,” they would say, “we have a plan. We are going to go there together – all of us – all of us who have shared so many lives together for eons of earth time, and no time at all from our perspective. We are going to go down together, and we are going to be there for each other. And yes, we will forget, we will ALL forget, as the heaviness of the fog of earth lays over us, we will all forget that we made this agreement, but over time, and we are certain of this – over time, we will remember.”

“ In fact, this can be our chance to remember who we are – together – while in human bodies, walking on the planet that despite its hardships, despite the sorrows and struggles, is a place that we created. It is the setting upon which we chose to create this great theatre - the theatre of life on planet earth. And, dear friend, you know as well as we do, that we are not finished.”

I took a deep breath, and continued to listen. “This time,” they continued, getting excited now, “This time, as we cross into the new millennium, and as the potentials for peace on earth, for true transformation for each of us, and for all of humankind press upon us, as the potential to finally create the earth that we have dreamed of, is so very strong. This time, we think we can do it – really do it – together.”

I knew this to be true. I knew that earth, and humankind sat on the cusp of manifesting the paradise that we all wanted. I also knew, that we had the potential to end it all, and, at that time, the later, loomed particularly strong. At any moment, it seemed, the super powers could erupt in conflict and burn the earth of all life, for a very long time. And would I really want to be there for that? Although, in truth, the idea of being a bystander to earth’s future, be it heaven on earth, or hell on earth, did not seem right either.

They continued: “We are going to do this together. We are going to go in as a group, and with enough of us there, and with the help of those who choose to stay on the other side, we think we can do it – we think that we can tip the scales and shift the potential for earth from destruction, to, believe it or not, peace on earth. And don’t worry,” they told me, “we will find each other! So – old friend – are you in? Are you up for the greatest adventure of them all?”

I took another deep breath. “Well,” I can hear myself saying, “When you put it that way, I suppose – well – okay – all right – I can do this – all right – I WILL do this – no – WE WILL DO THIS!” And we all let out a great cheer. So it began, or rather, continued. And here I am. Sitting here on planet earth, in a city, that when I was growing up, we all thought would have turned into a wasteland of apocalypse, and yet, it survives, even thrives, rather beautifully. As do I. Imagine that.

And so my play continues. In fact, billions of plays, all over the world, continue, all intersecting, and intertwining in some way – binding us all together in this grand production: LIFE ON EARTH.

Past Live, Present Lives, and Future Lives

2010-01-11T09:22:00.001-08:00

Over the last 10 years I have explored many "other lifetimes" using past life regression, or my own technique, tuning in while I am writing, and letting a past life speak. Inevitably, the lifetime that is most present at a certain time in my life directly correlates with a particular issue, usually an emotional issue that I am struggling with a bit in this present life.

And, amazingly, by letting the past life speak, letting myself re-imagine, and visualize what took place in that other life, the answer to the current issue comes, and rather quickly, dissolves away.

Is this real? Is this just me, my subconscious and my mind finding a way to resolve these issues? Honestly, I believe it to be real, but then again, what is more real, a past lifetime, or your subconscious finding a way to help you resolve a current emotional issue?

I have have decided, along the way, while exploring the great mysteries of my subconscious, to let go of trying to figure out just how this IS or just what this IS, and to simply, let it be, and enjoy it, and relish in my ability to SEE these lives, these scenes, these images, these characters, who I seem to have such a deep emotional connection to, and let the healing take place.

Whatever it all is, matters not. It is something fantastic, something primordial even, something basic, something that most of us have just forgotten is there, access to information stored somewhere in our cells, our minds, or our souls, that can help us to live a happier, healthier, more fulfilled life. And indeed, without question, I am living proof of this.

And so - as I move forward with this blog, each entry now, at least once a week, will be me, relating one of the many lifetimes that I have revisited over the last 10or so years. I want to describe the experience, the feelings, the issues that I was encountering in my life at that time, and how these regressions have helped me to overcome blocks, and fears, and insecurities, and I will do my best to relate my understanding of all of this.

It is my hope that by presenting this material, my life experiences, that it may give others the courage to take a leap into the unknown, and explore the deeper reaches of who we are, why we are here, where we come from, and to consider, that we all may have far more power to find the fulfillment and happiness that we seek.

Lets begin this journey now - my first "experience" is coming up later this week.

Excerpt from my new book - ATLANTIS

2009-09-20T10:19:00.000-07:00

Later that night, a dangling light bulb flips on and illuminates a work table covered with books, supplies, and navigational equipment, set up by Bo in his mom’s garage. “This is ground zero for expedition #1 in search of the lost records of Atlantis.” Bo tells Sara. “Or as I like to call it: AT1.”
The Atlantis globe acts as a paperweight, holding open a detailed map of South America. Sara runs her finger along the coastline of the Yucatan. “It’s a pretty big place… where are you headed exactly?”
Bo draws a red circle around an area known for Mayan ruins. “Here, I think.”
“You think?”
“My dad was last seen there… so assuming he was getting close to finding something, then it seems like a good place to start.”
He really is going to look for his father, is the first thought that pops into Sara’s head. Her second thought is that this makes him more appealing than ever. She reaches around her neck and takes off a silver chain, with a small crystal tied to the end. “Don’t laugh,” she orders, dangling it over the map.
“Okay… what is it?” Bo asks.
“It’s a pendulum.” Bo still has no idea what she is talking about. “You ask it a question and if it spins to the right, it means “yes”, to the left means “no”. Bo raises an eyebrow and almost smiles. Sara shoots him a look. “I didn’t laugh at you, man from Atlantis.” He drops his smile and over-accentuates a serious face. Sara hands it to him. “Go ahead – hold it over the red circle.” He does. “Now close your eyes.” Bo almost rolls his eyes, but catches himself and closes them tightly. “Go ahead, ask it.”
“What exactly…?”
“Is this the right place?”
“Oh… got it.” Bo takes a deep breath. “Is this where I will find the lost records of Atlantis?” Bo squints one eye open, but there is no movement. “Well… so much for that.”
“Wait…” Sara places her hand on top of his, and closes her eyes. “Is this where Bo will find the lost records of Atlantis?” They wait a few seconds, but still nothing. Almost instinctively, Sara lays her other hand on top of the Atlantis globe, then again closes her eyes. The pendulum sways back and forth, slowly at first, then swings enthusiastically to the right. Bo is the first to notice.
“Sara?” She opens her eyes, and smiles big. “Wow… this thing could really come in handy.” Sara slips the chain around Bo’s neck.
“Take it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” Tell him! The thought rushes into Sara’s head with such force, that she is worried Bo might be able to hear it. Tell him you want to go with him! But before she can form the words, he reaches for the Atlantis globe and hands it to her.
“Would you take care of this for me, while I’m away? It means a lot to me, and I don’t want my sister to get her hands on it.”
“Sure… of course

Turn off the news, and you will be amazed...

2009-08-10T10:01:00.000-07:00

Turn off the news, and you will be amazed at how quickly you discover that most of what we believe about the world is projected to us through the airwaves by an industry that is designed, for profit, to fill our heads with as much fear and anxiety about the world as possible. Why? Because then, I will tune in for more later. Fear, as it pulses through our bodies, is like a drug. We have gotten so use to it, that when it lapses, just for a moment, we reach for another hit, because it feels so strange not to be in fear. It keeps us locked in a never-ending battle to find a way to win - something - so that I will feel safe again.

Ever had that feeling of waking in the morning, feeling unusually peaceful, then in a couple of seconds, the urge to turn on the morning news, to flip on the screeching talk radio hosts hits? Because, well - "I have to be informed", you say, "And something might have happened over night, and I have to see how the battle is going! I have to feed my belief that liberals are the evil, or that conservatives are the devil, that I am right, that they are wrong, I have to restore my identity and without this, who am I?" Basically - I NEED A HIT OF FEAR. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO BE AFRAID OF TODAY.

This strikes me, this morning, because for some reason, this great little coffee place in West Hollywood where I stopped in this morning, is running the local morning news, and the woman reporting on a "possible bank break in" on Ventura Blvd., is projecting with the urgency of nuclear attack, about this "possible event" that is snarling traffic, as if it is truly, the beginning of Armageddon.

In truth, there really isn't much to tell about this story - a possible break in at a bank, and police are there, investigating. Because of the police cars blocking off the area, there is quite of bit of traffic on the surface streets. Might be advised to avoid the area. End of story.

Fear. I have written about this before - but just cannot get it out of my head just how powerful this tool is, and how it is masterfully harnessed by our news media. I know people on all ends of the political spectrum, liberal, conservative, or in between, who keep themselves perpetually caught up in the media frenzy, and have built an entire reality in their heads around what they are being fed.

Interestingly, once you decide, for instance, that liberals are the enemy, or conservatives are the enemy, or Barrack Obama is the enemy, then you miraculously find an endless stream of information - "news" - that backs up your beliefs, and plenty of people willing to bend and distort any semblance of fact, to keep you listening. Every story takes on a spin that either proves that you are right, or they are wrong, and thus, you stay locked in a relentless battle.

To put it bluntly, most of us have turned over our own power of deduction, reasoning, and intuition, to a whole bunch of talking and screeching heads. We made the choice, and if we really want to, we can make a new choice.

Try this experiment: Go for a week without turning on the news or picking up newspaper, or scanning the web, and see what happens. Interestingly, if there is a piece of news that really is important to you, like, for instance, snarled traffic on Ventura Blvd., your route of choice in the morning, then, you will be amazed that this information finds you.

The most important thing about this experiment is breaking the cycle of fear that the media depends upon to keep you watching. Turn it all off for week, and you will begin to notice many things - your blood pressure will go down, your heart rate will slow, you will, believe it or not, find something that most of us rarely feel: Peace. The world will start looking less like a mind-field, and more like a meadow.

Perhaps most importantly, you will be taking back your life. You will no longer be living a relentless steam of reacting to what "they" say you should be afraid of, and instead, deciding for yourself. Over time, you begin to notice that your intuition is enhanced, your sense of well-being is expanded, and your peace of mind is restored.

And, instead of giving up your beliefs about the world, you will create space for them to expand, or change. To perhaps, see other sides, to consider, or understand counter opinions. Then, you just might be able to decide for yourself, what you choose to believe about the world and the humans who share this world with you.

I believe that we are in a time when taking back our power, and questioning everything that is presented to us, is necessary if we are to ever create real solutions to the biggest problems that still linger in our world. War, famine, corruption, bigotry, hatred, not to mention this persistent distrust that most of us have for any human who does not fit my pre-determined template of what it means to be trustworthy.

These problems, that have plagued us for eons, can be solved, but not until enough of us take back our power and learn to trust our own intuition, our own feelings, and make space for the real solutions, than can only come when we break the cycle of fear.

Excerpt from Atlantis

2009-07-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

That night in her room, Lenara sleeps soundly in a low bed, painstakingly carved from a single piece of ancient wood into the shape of a sea serpent, wrapping itself around a soft sleeping pad. A circular picture window looks into a lit, underground canal, and a school of tiny fish cast a shadow on Lenara’s face. Moonlight streams from an overhead skylight and dances off of the intricately colored and textured, underwater scenes that cover the walls.

It is an impressive, terraced, stone and stucco structure that sits partially underground on a lush cliff side, overlooking one of the most beautiful, and prestigious canals in the city. Tonight, the clear skies and nearly full moon reflect on the sparkling water below, illuminating not only the house, but a cascade of falling water, and manicured vegetation that surrounds it.

Lenara wakes to a familiar tapping sound echoing from the canal. She opens her eyes to see Codi and Pak, her two favorite dolphins, staring in excitedly. Codi has a deep purple gemstone affixed to her forehead that protrudes just enough to make a rather determined tapping sound on the window, perfect for waking Lenara from even the deepest sleep. She smiles groggily. “It’s late…” but the dolphins, immune to time, squeal loudly. “Quiet!” Lenara urges. “Oh… okay, just one song.”

She reaches under her serpent bed, and pulls out a musical instrument made of polished coral and light, marbled wood. The strings sparkle in the moonlight as she lays it across her lap, and plucks out a simple, yet delightful song. The dolphins eyes glaze over as they sway back and forth, entranced by the dreamy music. When Lenara hits the final note, and the last of the sound penetrates into the canal, the dolphins protest. She knows what they want. “No… I’m not supposed to go out at night.”

The dolphins let out a sad squeal, and look forlornly through the glass at their dear friend, Lenara. They seem to know how to get to her. “Oh… all right.” The dolphins linger in the window, as if waiting for proof that as soon as they swim away, Lenara is not going to fall back to sleep. “Go ahead. I’ll be right there.”

Lenara slips on a snug fitting body suit and covers this with a long, heavy robe that conceals her face beneath a low hanging hood. She pauses to listen for any sign that anyone in the rest of the house is stirring. All is silent. She slips out of her room and into an interior courtyard, then lifts a trap door, and climbs downward, quietly closing the door on top of her.

A Whole New Way of Living

2009-06-24T08:32:00.001-07:00

"I have spent my whole life trying to get up a mountain, and then I realize that when I reach the top, I just create another."

What if, everything that you have wanted is actually right here, in the garden? I realize that I have spent my whole life climbing mountains, taking a breath at the top, then saying "All right - what do I do now? Not sure - guess I better climb another mountain!"

This is my own personal reality that I am talking about here, of course, but it may apply to many of us. I have always felt that I came into this life with a purpose, something significant (at least to me, if not to others) that I am suppose to contribute.

As I grew I can see how my ego wrapped itself around this - and it turned into "Something that I should BE or something that I should DO" usually because I thought that others were expecting me to BE or DO something. Whew.

What a relief to be breaking this up. The whole world, and even our dearest friends and family are always willing to tell us who we are, what we should do, and who we should be. Some of this is real - they are really saying this - but most of it is just what we pick up along the way - and much of it is just what we choose to be true.

So over time, we take on the expectations of others, and then we wake up one day (maybe) and realize that "I never really had to be any of this."

I think some of this starts to happen as our parents grow older, and pass on. We pick up so much from them along the way, and sometimes it is not until they are gone that we can see that we have been trying, so hard, to fulfill whatever their expectations are of us.

Perhaps it is parents, peers, friends, or something we picked up while watching the hours of television that most of us grew up in front of. It really doesn't matter where it all comes from. What matters is that at some point, in our lives, we claim ourselves for ourselves.

That is true freedom. That is true joy. A bit scary perhaps, but really, we are all going to be gone in a hundred years, so why live life for someone other than yourself?

I think that the time that we are in - the changing of the planet, the expansion of consciousness that we are in the middle of, is providing the energy that we need to choose to CLAIM our lives for ourselves, and let go of the old way of living.

Obligations can go, love can flow in to take its place. I care for the people I love, not out of obligation, but out of love, out of the greatest responsibility to myself. AND I love myself enough to let go of the "should be's" and "supposed to be's" and settle down for a moment - stop trying to get somewhere, and look inside and ask - who am I really?

The answer is - I am really pretty cool. We are all really, pretty damn cool.

Faith, Fear, and my Simple Thoughts

2009-05-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

As the debate on gay marriage continues to move across the country, and around the world, I am here at what for me is ground zero - California. As I watch people debate this issue, they often use "faith" as a reason for objecting to this right. For some people, these are just words. They do what their preacher tells them, and they don't really think beyond that. They react to what is being presented as threat to their faith, and they do what they are told to do.

For others, I think it goes deeper. They have come to believe that a part of their faith, perhaps a part of their life is changing and for most humans, fear sparks immediately. This fear is harnessed by others in fear, preachers, and church leaders, who are afraid of losing something too.

Truly, there is nothing new here. Humans hold onto as much "sameness" as we can, for as long as possible, usually never letting go until it becomes either too painful to hold on anymore, or we realize that what we are holding onto, what we are fighting against really isn't the threat we believed it to be.

Fear simply attaches itself to whatever the easiest target may be at a particular time. Or, better said, I allow fear to attach itself to whatever they tell me should be the latest target of my fear. I have a choice in the matter, but most of us forget that part.

This is where I could be accused of seeing the world in far too simple a way, but for those of you who have children, you know, that seeing the world in simple terms really cuts out a lot of the noise and baggage that we grown up humans carry with us.

I have decided this: That if there is one thing that God would want from us humans, it is to expand compassion, and love here on this planet. I just need to say that again for myself: If there is one thing that God would want from us humans here on this planet, it is to expand compassion and love.

Certainly God is more aware than we are, that every bit of pain and struggle and suffering that we humans have inflicted upon ourselves over eons of time has come from resisting love, and giving over to fear.

Too simple, perhaps, but I don't think so. Imagine, just for a moment, if with every decision, every choice that we make, gay marriage included, we ask ourselves, is my decision expanding love and compassion, or restricting it? Is my decision helping to allow humans to deepen our relationships, to care for each other, to love in a grander way, or is it trying hard to control, limit, or restrict?

This goes way beyond gay marriage, and it gets into fairly new territory for most of us humans. If we are to try this out, we will have to learn to trust ourselves. We will have to learn to trust our hearts, our own feelings, and tune out the noise around us. We will have to begin to take responsibilty for what we feel inside. And if what I am feeling feels like my heart is constricting, then I have a responsibility to myself to move away from that as quickly as I can.

We need only to feel our own hearts, and begin to trust our own feelings, to begin to live a life that is free of being at the whim of a million other voices, or the one who has the loudest rant, or the one who I have decided "knows better than I"

Perhaps, finally, we can stop tuning into the thousands of cable news pundits on any side of any issue, and simply ask ourselves, how does this feel to me? Does compassion, feel better, than fear, fighting, and battle?

Have you noticed how most of the radio hosts, cable news pundits, and truly most of the politicans and preachers are encouraging us to be afraid - to fight and battle and protect and hold on to what we have? Can this really be healthy? Doesn't your own intuition, and certainly your own heart tell you that living in fear, just doesn't feel good?

I recently attended services for a dear friend who died at 96 years old. Maxine lived through multiple wars, and spoke of how she use to monitor the skies over the Oregon coast for enemy planes during WWII. She lived through the civil rights movement, a time when courageous humans made a collective choice that, yes, black people are equal and should be equal under the law, despite those who proclaimed otherwise, and even used they faith to justify their beliefs. She was already in her 60's during the sexual revolution, and when she saw presidents die, riots in the streets, and men walking on the moon. And she experienced the loss of more people who she knew and loved in her life than I can even imagine, including a grandson who was gay, and died of AIDS.

Yet, to the end, even though she faced so much continuous change, and even though I don't know that she consciously made the choice to do so, she seemed to always choose her heart.

She discussed issues, she faced her own prejudices, even her own fears. She grew up in a time well before the black civil rights movement, and made the choice to release old beliefs that didn't feel good, rather than cling to them. She worked, she cooked, she fed anyone who was hungry, and she left a legacy of love. She wasn't what you would call a saint, and "thank God for that, Marty!" I can hear her whisper in my ear even now. To all of us who knew her, she loved without condition, and she had a hell of a life, dying very peacefully, and I believe, feeling complete.

A lesson, to me, of what it feels like to move through life choosing to trust your heart, and not to fall into fear. To see life as an ever-changing adventure, rather than something to be afraid of. To not spend life fighting, and defending, and protecting what you think is yours, but to share.

And I suppose, I may be too simplistic once again, but I have to ask, If God wants anything from us, isn't it this?

Another excerpt from Atlantis

2009-04-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

THE SUN IS WARM on Sam’s shoulders as he walks through a saturated, brilliantly colored field of yellow daisies, touching them with his hands as he goes. The therapist’s voice overlays the scene as if she is watching from above.
“Do you feel the breeze?” she asks.
“Yes.” Sam replies, as if he is both a watcher in this dream, while at the same time living it.
“And the warmth of the sun?”
“Yes.”

In what we would call the “real” world, Sam lays on a recliner in the therapist’s office, traveling deeper and deeper under hypnosis. He is indeed feeling the breeze while he walks through the field of daisies, and he is indeed feeling the warm sun on his shoulders. All of this, while Susan observes his every move, and does her best to guide him to the source of his increasingly intense nightmares, and now daytime visions.

“Up ahead of you, there is a very tall hedge. Do you see it Sam?”
“Yes.”
“Good. Walk to it.” He does. “This hedge is so tall, and long, that you can’t see over it, or around it. But there is a door. Do you see it?”
“Yes. I see it.”
“What does it look like?”
“It’s… heavy wood. Ancient. It has Iron hinges and an iron handle.”
“Can you run your fingers over the wood and tell me what it feels like?”
“Smooth… smooth and weathered.”

“Very good Sam. Now, in a moment I am going to ask you to open this door, and when you do, the message that is trying to come through will be on the other side, waiting for you. Do you understand?”
“I think so.”
“Good. Now, when you’re ready, take hold of the handle, and push the door open just a bit.”

Sam in the recliner feels his heart speed up, as Sam in the field of daisies reaches for the door handle. He pulls and the door opens a crack. It’s heavy. He can feel the weight of the millennia-old wood in his hand. He pulls it open a bit more and a brilliant white light streams through. “It’s open. I opened it.”
“What do you see?”
“Nothing… just light… white light.”
“Take a step through the door Sam. There is nothing on the other side that can hurt you.”

But Sam, both Sam’s, feel a wave of fear rush over them. Sam in the recliner is sweating and breathing rapidly. “I can’t. I can’t do it.” Sam at the door, turns back, looking for an escape, but the field of daisies melts away. Then, a voice.
“It’s all right… I’m with you. There is nothing to be afraid of.” The shape of a woman materializes in the doorway and reaches her hand through. It is Miria. “Take my hand.”

The fear melts out of Sam as he once again finds trust in a pair of brilliant green eyes. I know you… I remember you… he thinks to himself as he takes her hand, and she pulls him gently toward her. He wants to embrace her, to feel her arms wrapped around him. He aches for it. But before he can reach her, she melts away. “It’ll be all right my love…” and the air around him grows hot. The white light turns to a fiery red, and the sound of a million humans crying out for help fills his senses. He screams.
“No…no… no!”

HEALING TEMPLE, ATLANTIS. All is dark. A man cries out. Susan’s voice filters through. “Where are you Sam?”
Miria’s voice overlays. “It’ll be all right my love.”
The man, Atar, lies on a stone table, covered by a soft, white linen cloth. On his face, a mask formed out of a single piece of clear quartz crystal, carries the images that flash in his head - a fiery red sky, and a city in the midst of destruction. Miria lays her hand over the mask, and the images fade. She lifts it from his face, and he opens his eyes, squinting at the bright sky overhead, dotted with pure white clouds. They sit in the center of a circular temple, lined with columns, and open to the elements.
“Is it the same dream?” she asks gently.
“Yes.”
“And the city is falling?”
“Yes.”
“Many are coming to me with similar visions.”
“Mass hysteria.” Atar responds, as he sits up and stretches.
“Are you hysterical?” Miria snaps back.
“At times.” He smiles, and gently touches her face. “Can you help me be rid of these dreams?”
“There’s something you’re not seeing.”
“And what would that be?”
“Something you don’t want to see.”

ATLANTIS - The Adventure Begins...

2009-03-25T09:17:00.000-07:00

This morning, I got a call from a friend of mine, Don Marr, an extremely talented writer, who was one of the first kindred spirits I met who shared my fascination with this long lost civilization, called: Atlantis. He had an idea. "Why don't you put some of the story of ATLANTIS on your blog, so that others can enjoy it, in it's current stage of development, as much as you are?" My response was, "I was thinking the same thing." And I was. So now, from time to time, I will be posting excerpts from ATLANTIS the first book in a trilogy which I am writing, called, The Atantis Trilogy. I hope that you will enjoy it, and comment if you would like to see more. And yes, this is copyrighted material.

THE BRITISH ISLES, PRE-HISTORY

A thatched roof hut sits nearly hidden among overgrown trees on the edge of a steep, rocky cliff that drops to the churning ocean below. From inside, the cries of a woman in childbirth ring through the air. In the water, a pod of dolphins circle relentlessly, then pause, and erupt in celebratory squeals and leap into the cool, night air. From the hut, a new born baby cries.

Just before the morning sun rises, Miria, a striking woman with flowing red hair and brilliant green eyes, kneels on the edge of a natural rock pool in a clearing. She is draped in a frayed cloth, and gently dips her newborn baby boy into the crystal clear water. She lifts him to sky, and looks into his own green eyes. “Goddess?” she whispers, “How can I reach him?”

Streams of white light materialize in the air, then dance around the child’s tiny body. He giggles. The light jumps into the pond and forms an image: Sam Madison, a seemingly average, middle aged man, lays in bed in the middle of a nightmare. “My son! I want to see my son!” He calls out. As if to comfort him, Miria runs her hand gently across the surface of the water, the ripples caressing his face.

“Know that your son is well, my love.” she replies “When you wake from the dream, you’ll remember who you are.” With her final word, the water grows turbulent and the man’s face dissolves into a dark and foreboding image: Burning debris swirls through a fiery red sky, and the sound of a million terrified human cries rises. A bolt of lightning strikes, illuminating an endless stream of confused and angry faces. Another bolt of lightning, and a towering, black obelisk is awash in light.

Finally, a man, holds an unconscious young woman in his arms, and weeps. He wipes blood from her face. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.”

WASHINGTON DC, MODERN DAY

Sam Madison struggles through a nightmare. “My son! I want to see my son!” his teenage daughter, Sara, hurries to his bedside and kneels down next him.

“Dad?” He doesn’t wake. “Dad!” she shakes him. He opens his eyes slowly. The images and sounds in his head do not let go easily as he searches the room for signs of familiarity. Sara flips on an overhead light, and he nearly leaps out of bed.
“Geez! What are you trying to do, blind your old man?”
“Sorry!” Sara snaps back. Sam tries to smile. He sits up and catches his breath. In the light, he has the look of a man who hasn’t slept well in weeks, dark circles growing under his bloodshot eyes.

“Thanks for coming to my rescue again, Sara.”
“They sound like they’re getting worse.”
“Nothing some better drugs can’t handle.” Sam reaches for a bottle of prescription pills on the bedside table. It sits atop a pile of post-it notes crawled with equations. Sara is not amused by her father’s attempt at humor.
“Do we need to talk about something here?” She asks.
“Uh… I already told you, you are not dating until after you get your PHD.”

“Very funny,” Sara replies, not giving up, “It’s just that lately, whenever you have these dreams you keep yelling about your son.”
“I don’t remember that…”
“I am an only child, right?”
“As far as I know…” Sara rolls her eyes. Sensing her frustration, he reaches for her hand and gently gives it a tug.
“Hey, I’m sorry I keep waking you up.”

“What do you remember?” Sara asks. Sam lets out a sigh, clearly evading the question.
“Oh… not much.”
“I don’t believe you.” Sara stares him down. Sam gives in, just a bit, and searches his memory.
“Well… fire. Smoke.” He suddenly grabs his head as it throbs in pain. “And these damn headaches.”
“That make you grumpy all day.”
“Yeah… those.” Sara waits for the pain to subside, then continues her prodding.
“What else do you remember?” Sam winces, this time not from the real pain in his head, but from the image that flashes behind his eyes.
“Faces. Angry faces.”
“What are they angry about?”

“I… I don’t know Sara.” She stares him down again.“Me. All right? They’re angry at me, and then...” He swallows hard when the man holding an unconscious young woman returns to his head. This time, the girl wears the face of Sara. “That’s it.” He blurts out, popping a pill into his mouth. “That’s all I remember.”
“No, it isn’t,” insists Sara.

“Yes, it is. Now lets try and get some sleep while it’s still night.” Sara wants to keep pushing, but she can tell when her father has reached his limit. These nightmares have been going on for months, and what she has not expressed to her father, is that she is tired of coming to his rescue, and she is bothered by the fact that he has come to expect her to be by his side when he opens his eyes. The least he can do is tell her the whole story. She goes to the door, but stops, and turns back.

“Did you call the therapist I told you about?”
“No.” replies Sam.
“Why not?”
“Because… I can handle this Sara.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.” Sam shoots back, “The last thing I need is a shrink.” Sara spins around, walks out of the room, and slams the door behind her.

“Sara… Sara!” Sam tries to get up and go after her, but his head throbs. He sinks back into bed, and just as the pain in his head subsides, his alarm goes off sending a piercing electronic tone through his brain. He grabs a pillow and covers his ears.

The Struggle

2009-03-07T16:25:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been a while since my last posting. I have been enjoying a very busy time shooting a celebrity poker show in Las Vegas, and it is unbelievable the amount of energy that it takes! When I returned, a couple of weeks ago, I found that I had some time to breath. I felt good. Today, I must admit that I have struggled with an unexpected bought of anger, sorrow, and "poor me" as I have watched the latest in the saga over gay marriage in California.

On the one hand I want to scream out and say "Hey - get your hands off of my life, people! I would never consider legislating away YOUR personal and civil rights, but you have no problem taking mine away with the cast of a vote and then declaring that "it is not personal" , or "I was just doing what my church told me to do." All right, I can go on with this and let my anger roar up, and it really CAN roar up, but I am going to move on...

Actually, I think what has struck me the most is that I feel... disappointed in my fellow humans. And even as I write this I hear my REAL voice inside of me saying "Hey - come on - get out of the pity pool!" It continues to talk and says: "Listen dear Martin, you did not come into this life to have everything happen in the way that you choose. Life is ABOUT the turn of events, it is ABOUT the struggle, if you choose so, and it is time that you decide to establish your self worth ON YOUR OWN no matter who or what happens around you in the world. Got it?" Yes, I think I do.

I think I am really getting that the true path to freedom is being at peace and love with yourself even when you feel as if the rest of the world is against you. Wow. Can anyone say VICTIM? The word IMPERVIOUS comes to mind. We must each find a way to be IMPERVIOUS to the outside world. This does not mean being care-less or indifferent, it means, that I find a way to hold my resonance for myself, no matter what is happening in the world around me. In other words, I no longer need anyone or anything to be or do anything for me to be happy. That is true freedom.

A key here is that most of us have chosen, on some level, to struggle in our lives. We decided early in life to believe the following: Life is a struggle, and pain is a natural turn of events that follows. Now, imagine if at that early time in my life, or now in my life, I choose to believe something different? What if I decide that I have learned enough through struggle, I have learned enough through pain, and that I CAN CHOOSE ANEW? If so, then everything that goes with the struggle, including the NEED to have others BE or DO or ACT in a certain way in order for me to be happy, can go too.

So much of the pain that I see in the world, and the struggle that we cause ourselves, is the result of believing that things are suppose to be a certain way, in my time frame, the way I want. Believing that "Gay people should have the right to marry NOW" Not later. But the key here is, that if this "struggle" were done, would we be cheating ourselves from the benefits?

I have said before that I know that this struggle for equal rights is serving to ignite a strength, a power, and a new self worth in gay people, and their loving friends and family, that I have never seen before. I have experienced it in me and I see it happening all around me. And this means, that this struggle is purposeful. It is a well designed, masterplanned approach to the need for gay people to stand up and find the power inside to declare their worth.

We can fall into poor me, we can feel sorrow, we can hate the other side, and we can struggle against what is and wish it were just DONE. But in fact, this process, with great speed, is amping up the self worth of us gay folks, in a way that has to happen now.

Why? Because we have a gift to give this world. We ALL have gifts to give the world, and gay people have their own unique gift. A unique way of seeing the world, a unique way of feeling the world. And it is about time that we claim our gifts. We always say that the gay rights movement is about love, and the freedom to love. It is more so, about gay people finding the strength to love themselves without condition. To hell with the rest of the world, because if I can love myself without condition, then I am just fine. Then, interestingly enough, change comes to world outside of me.

Funny thing happened to me on the way to the seminary...

2009-01-15T09:00:00.000-08:00

On this day, I find myself in a surprising place. A seminary. Surprising for me, as I am not the biggest fan of organized religion, but drawn to the idea of all of these people asking themselves: Is there more out there? And perhaps, this is a place for them to at least explore, if not discover the answer to that question.

This place, I discovered, is just across the street from my gym. It is a 2 block square campus cloaked in shade trees and restored craftsmen buildings. I am drawn to it, without question. There is just one thing about it that I find disturbing: In the middle of this lovely, tree lined courtyard, the picture of peace and serenity, is a larger than life, iron sculpture of a struggling Jesus being violently nailed to a 12 foot cross. Wow. I had to stop and take a deep breath at the shocking portrayal, juxtaposed against the quiet, contemplating faces of the seminary students walking by, and the giggling toddlers playing on the lawn.

The savior being murdered, before our eyes. I suppose I should not be surprised, but I did expect something perhaps a bit more palatable, than an iron version of Mel Gibson’s “The Passion of Christ”. But, it is the idea of the savior, that has me thinking. Our new president, Barack Obama, is being sworn in next week. A man who I do believe in. I can feel his sincerity, his passion, his desire to make our country and our world a better place for all of us. I do feel this. I also, see that there are a lot of people who have invested a whole lot of “save me” energy in this guy. Essentially, turning over their personal responsibility to this one man, to be their savior. And the problem with that, is that someone will always nail him to cross, because he will always let someone down.

America, I believe, was created by all of us to be a beacon of light. I know it does not always seem that way, but I believe that America was created from a spark of great desire to do good. To take humanity, and this planet, to a new place, and create a country where we set our expectations high, and do everything we can to live up to them. To create a country, that in its highest vision, is a place where all people, all religions, all nationalities can live, and in our greatest hope, live at peace with each other.

I do believe this, and now, as I write, I start to feel the passion in my veins. I believe and have always sensed that in our collective thought, we chose to create a country that would be a shining beacon for the rest of this world. I have no doughy eyed deliriums that we have accomplished this to anywhere near the degree that I know we can. I believe that with the right vision, the right leadership, we can take this country to the place that we collectively have chosen to go: we can be a beacon of hope to the world. We can set a standard for humanity that we have not seen on this planet, and with a vision this strong, we can set an example to the rest of the world.

We have gotten as far as we could get by holding on to the old paradigm that “might makes right” and that through war, we can lead the way to peace. This time is quickly coming to an end. We have gotten as far as we could, by believing that money and wealth, will get us there. It cannot. We have taken our country, through a rough and rugged adolescence, where we have tried many different coats, different identities to see what feels right. It is time for us to peel away the masks of ego, and find ourselves. Time for us to ask ourselves, as Americans, and as humans, who am I, and who do I want to be? Individually and collectively, it is time to look inside, rather than out.

We set out to create a place where any human with the desire for a good life, for love, for happiness, could come and find it. Yet we have pushed ourselves far from this as we have created more so, a country where those with the money, with the strings to pull, and the power to wield, make it big, while the rest of us, learn not to speak up. We learn to go to the mall, and be thankful for Walmart for cheap stuff, Starbucks, for a quick jolt, and McDonalds to feed our kids.

Oh, don’t get me wrong here, I am not a “glass half empty” kind of guy. Indeed, I have been called “too hopeful” by some, but it seems, that no matter what, I never lose this hope. I never lose this vision for myself, and for America. To be a beacon of light, to be a place where all are equal, where opportunity truly exists for all, and is not just part of some antiquated, old American dream that in truth, has existed only for certain humans. Only for certain Americans.

I believe that for us Americans, and us humans to fulfill our own purpose in life and for us to collectively fulfill this vision for America that is so much more than what we live in today, that we must never turn over our responsibility to a leader, to a politician, a teacher, a preacher, to anyone. We must never rely upon Barack Obama, or George Bush, or Rick Warren, or Martin Luther King, or JFK, or Jesus himself to deliver us to something better. We must never allow anyone to tell us what to belief, how to think, or how to live.

Make any leader responsible for your well being, your financial abundance, your personal safety, or your happiness, and you will be sadly disappointed. Because no matter how great you think Barack Obama is, he can never choose for you. When you turn over your power to another, in the worst cases, you discover that “the other” is only too willing to take you power and use it as he see fits. In the best cases, you are left settling for something less than you know you deserve.

Pouring over the history of human kind, I would say that perhaps our greatest mistake has always been that the mass of people turn over their power to a figurehead, and essentially, turn over their freedom and their responsibility to create their own reality, their own happiness, their own lives. Why? Because most people are terrified at the prospect of taking responsibility for themselves, and most of us have really forgotten that we have the power in us to do so. We are used to looking to others to tell us what to think, and what to do. This, my friends, must change, if we are to finally move closer to the vision of hope and light that this country was created to fulfill.

I would go so far as to say, that as each of us are challenged by a crashing economy, and the impact of this on our daily lives, that we are being pushed to a new place of responsibility.

And pushed, I believe, to remember that we have the power in us, each of of us, to own that responsibility and to create our lives in a new way. To decide that to have a great leader is wonderful, and yes, we put him there, but that he can do no more for us, than we are willing to do for ourselves. In other words, if you sit back and wait for our new president to deliver you peace, and happiness, and security, it will never happen. And as a human being, if I decide to turn over my power to another to deliver me my life, then I will always end up settling for less.

I am going to make a bold assertion here, that it is time that we remove this idea of savior from our belief system. Let it be part of the old paradigm. Let Jesus be a great example for those who believe, of a master walking the planet, and living with a vision for a better world. Let him be an example to humanity that we can each connect with our higher power and find ourselves there, with no need to feel threatened by others, or to look to others to save us.

Let our new president be a leader who inspires, who brings light, who infuses in us the belief that we can be better, that we can create a life, a country, a world that is, well, more magnificent, more full of light and love and hope than we have ever imagined. It is his ability to inspire this belief in each of us, that creates the energy of change. He cannot do it alone.

If you find yourself waiting for our new president to pass a stimulus package, fix the banks, retore your 401K or do anything else that you think will bring you peace, and security, then ask yourself how you can find that feeling inside of yourself.

I believe that we humans are at the dawning of a great leap in consciousness. We are being challenged to stop looking outside of ourselves, and instead, find out who we are on the inside. We are being challenged to drop the masks that we have carried, our identity, our ego, and to instead, remember who we really are. And I know, that what we will each find underneath, will rock our world.

The Masks

2009-01-02T16:22:00.000-08:00

The masks. I sit here, in this coffee house in Palm Springs underneath the towering mountains of rock as the sun begins to disappear behind them. It does so early here, by 4PM, the shadows cover the valley, and the warmth of the day gives way to a chilly desert night.

This trip for me has been all about masks. I was home with family for the a week over Christmas and inevitably, this brings up the old masks of who I think I am suppose to be, who they think I am suppose to be, and who I think they think I am suppose to be. Most all of which, are just in my imagination, something that I have taken on as truth. Martin must be successful, Martin must be handsome, Martin must have it all together. And largely, I suppose I do. Except for the masks.

I have written much about fear, and now I am seeing the tie of fear to the masks that I and pretty much every human seems to wear. We decide at an early age that it is safer to put on a mask. To create a persona, whether it be subtle, or more pronounced, to protect us from the outside world. To keep part of ourselves hidden inside. Why? Because we are afraid that if others see the real person in there, that they will not like us. That we are not enough just being who we are, so we must lay on the masks. It is dangerous, vulnerable, to be ourselves.

The masks that we all share are many: the mask of confidence, the mask of certainty, the mask of invulnerability, the mask of victim, the mask of martyr. The masks that we each share too, are individual. For some, the mask of superiority, be it superior intellect, superior body, face, or mind. I think now, as the sun sets behind the mountains, that it is time to let go of the masks and I wonder what would happen if we all decided to do just that.

In fact, I believe that with all that is happening in our world, the breaking up of the financial institutions, people’s security system of 401K’s and stocks being eaten up by unseen forces, that we are being pushed and prodded to remove the masks. Not pushed by some outside force, not the evil doers or the devil, but by our souls. Our souls, that know that what we really want, is just to be who we are. Our souls that know that what we long for inside, is to let go of masks that keep us separate from love, and joy, and the most simple of pleasures in life. Our souls know that the masks keep us from remembering who we are, and our souls know that we really do want to remember.

I was in a shop this afternoon that sells armor, re-creations of armor from the dark ages. A literal interpretation of the need for a mask of steel to protect ourselves from something outside that is out to get us. Our soft, vulnerable bodies inside, hoping not to be speared, or cut. As I sit here, and feel the masks that I wear melting away, I seem to keep finding more. Surprise, there is another one. Another mask, created by me, by ego, to compensate for not feeling enough inside to just be myself.

Fear. Were it not for the fear that I am not enough, I would have no need for the masks. I would have no need to create masks and then define myself by them. I would have no need to define myself by success, material wealth, appearance, or anything outside of myself. Yet I know that this is changing. It is changing for me because I decided to become aware of it. I decided that it was time for me to let myself be who I am without the increasingly uncomfortable presence of old, heavy, masks of armor that I have carried to protect me.

Yes, we all share these masks. And this is perhaps one of the great things that unite each of us: Our shared mask, that says that there is danger in each other. Danger in our differences. Another lie, another mask designed for protection. We all lay on masks to compensate for feeling “not enough”. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not… enough. Somehow, just not enough. And now, it is time for me, and not just me, but I believe, it is time for all of us, to let go of the masks. They were a part of the world that we grew up in. They were a part of an era that we are breaking up now. And as they go, I often wonder what I will find underneath.

Funny, I wonder, who am I without the masks? Well, I am finding, that the more I peel them away, the more I recognize myself. Myself for real. And the things that I have placed so much importance on in life, just seem to be not so important anymore. I was afraid for a time that I would lose myself. That my desire for greater success, to have an impact on the world, would go away because without the masks, what is there to propel me to work more? To want more? To BE more?

Well, I am finding, that as the masks melt away, that I think I can hear myself better. I think I can feel myself better. I think I can connect with the larger part of me far better without the interference of the masks telling me I should be this or that. I think, that as I melt away the masks, I can begin to remember who I really am, and perhaps, why I came to this life in the first place. Then, no matter what I embark upon, becomes an expression of soul, of something deeper, and far more joyous.

And what would keep me from letting go of the masks? Just fear. There it is again. Just fear. Fear that what lies beneath the masks will be so utterly unrecognizable that I will lose not only myself, but everything that I have built, constructed, atop the masks. Fear. That thing that we give so much power to but that is really, just a mask in itself. Perhaps it is the mask upon which all other masks sit. The fear that I am not enough gives birth to all the other masks that I create to try and BE enough.

So, I suppose if there is a lesson from this story, it is that it is time for each of us to peel away the masks. In fact, I believe that we are being pulled by our souls, to do just that. AND that the energy of this time, is with us. We are in a time of great change on this planet as we open up to something new. And so as the old systems that were based on the masks of greed and power break up and fall away, it is only natural, that the old systems that we have each, as individuals, held onto, the old masks that have propped us up through our lives, would be ripe to break up as well.

And if you have the courage to do this, to give the intention, to declare that you are ready to let go of all that is not really you, then you can open yourself up to a life that – well – hard for me to grasp here too, but a life that you have yet to even imagine. A life where being who you are, and not who you think you ought to be, is the norm, and with this, all pursuits that you undertake cannot be anything but expressions of YOU. Of the real you.

Today, what we see breaking up, are institutions, and systems, and religions, and corporations that were less an expression of the creator’s soul, and far more, an expression of the human ego. The masks. And as the masks fall, everything changes, and everything becomes more real. Courage is the word of the day. Having the courage to let go of the masks and remember who you are, can open up the greatest adventure that any of us, have ever lived.

What I know to be true... dedicated to a friend

2008-12-11T15:36:00.000-08:00

All day, I have felt that I wanted to write something, but could not get my head around just what to write! I kept hearing "write what you know to be true" and so, that is just what I am doing.

One thing I know to be true is that FEAR is not real. It is something that we allow to creep into our being, without even thinking about it. We become fearful when faced with the unknown, and we think that we have no option but to fix that unknown thing, to try and feel safe again, and then hopefully, the fear will go away. Yet if fear is not real, and if we do have a choice in the matter, then what does this mean to us?

I had lunch with some good friends earlier this week. One had lost her job about 3 months ago and she said in probably one of the most honest moments I have ever seen in anyone, "I am scared. I am terrified." I could see it in her eyes, it permeated her body. This very beautiful, strong, and confident woman was terrified that perhaps, this time, she would not be enough to pull out of this feeling of desperation. She was feeling isolated, at home, pouring over job sites on the web, sending out millions of resumes, and watching her bills pile up.

All I could think to say to her was "you are going to be just fine. I know it. I feel it. There is no question in my mind." And indeed, there was no question in my mind, only in hers. I could see that as she sat at home, contemplating her fate, that the weight of the news around her added layer upon layer of fear. The latest jobless reports, the economic downturn, the latest layoffs. All projected and perpetuated by what I like to call, The Fear Brokers. The 24 hour news channels, the millions of paid pundits speculating about the next depression, the politicians fighting about who should get a bail out and who should not, all perpetuating fear.

And for this beautiful woman, it was taking it's toll. She said that she had reached a very low point a month or so ago where she did not have one ounce of self esteen left to draw from. That is a tough thing to admit, and a tough thing to hear.

Yet if fear is not real, if it is just a programmed response to the unknown that we trigger routinely, then is all this deep despair necessary? Does it serve anything? One thing that I think it serves to point out, is just how much we all wrap our self worth into our jobs, into money, into something outside of ourselves.

And believe me, and I hope, that one of the benefits of all of this seeming insecurity that we face today, all the fear that is hoisted upon us that we can choose to indulge in or not, is that if indeed we do find ourselves stripped down to our very core, without the usual job, the usual paycheck, the usual routine, then just maybe, we can strip away all that is not real: The fear, the self worth wrapped up in everything outside of ourselves and not enough inside of ourselves.

To weather the greatest storms without getting blown away, we must be able to stand and know who we are despite the outside circumstances of our lives. We must know that we are worthy with money, without money, with status, without status, with the love of another, or without. We must be able to stand alone and know that I do not depend on anything outside of me to make me whole. To make me, enough.

And so if we can wrap our heads and then our hearts around this idea that fear is a choice, it is not real, it is an option, and that even though it seems to go against everything that we think we are suppose to do when faced with the unknown, that if we can see another choice: TRUST, if only for a glimpse, then we will weather whatever storm comes our way.

And, if we can do this, then perhaps we can get to the next place and acknowledge that we indeed play a great role in creating the dramas of our lives, and the joys of our lives. That we do so, so that we can learn some of these basic truths.

Fear is not real and to be in fear, is a choice. We do indeed create our reality, and as such, we must claim our ability to re-create it anew. Even when it seems that everything we knew to be true has fallen apart, we can, if we want, find a way to pull ourselves up and out of the hole, and see the light. And in that light, we can create our lives anew. That is our true power as humans, as beings connected to something much greater. The power to re-create ourselves, and our lives anew.

And just maybe, if you find that all that you knew to be real is falling away, it is the best opportunity that you will ever have, to start anew. To let go of that which really did not light you up anymore, and to re-create your life in a way that is deeper, more honest, and more joyous.

Oh, and one more thing that I know to be true: COURAGE IS REAL. Courage is real. And we all have it. Thank you to this wonderful woman at lunch, for inspiring me today to understand a bit more about all this.

So long Fear...

2008-11-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

Prop 8 is, very simply, our way of creating a contrast between fear and love, and challenging each and every one of us, to choose. And I have great faith that love, always prevails. The churches are not the enemy, the old guard is not the enemy either.

Fear is the real enemy that we face. Fear as it was fed to those who easily consume the words of their preachers, their politicians, even their friends. Fear that is used to divide us, always. Fear that CAN be used to prod us to declare: “NO, I will not give in to the fear, for I know that in fear there is always pain, there is always division, there is always hurt and there is always battle."

And now I have a declaration: We are in the midst of this movement, this activism that is sweeping this nation, because we as a whole, have decided that as human beings, as the human race, and not as gays and straights and blacks and whites and Mormons and Catholics, but as the human race, we have decided that we have had enough. We have decided that we are done with the small games that we have played for eons.

We have decided, in collective choice, that we are ready to move beyond fear, and the division and pain and battle that it always causes. And this leaves each and every one of us to call upon our better, our larger selves, the part of us that is connected to God, connected to the source, to the universe, where these small perceived differences that we have spent thousands of years fighting over, are really, nothing at all. I believe that we have decided collectively, to be done with fear.

Fear is the source of all the pain in the world. Fear would have us deny our own hearts and instead, listen to a preacher who points to others and says “be very afraid of them”. Fear keeps us from listening to our own intuition, our own connection to something much greater, and instead, to react blindly and without thought. Fear keeps us from speaking up, it keeps us divided, it keeps us in a perpetual cycle that we have repeated throughout the history of human kind on this planet. Fear, keeps us small as a people, and as an individual.

Fear blocks love. Simply, fear blocks the heart. It is an old game, and it is so easy to fall into, but that can change right now. That can change for each of us right now, with one decision: To be done with fear. And as fear melts away, as we decide, each of us, decide to listen to our hearts, then we will know whether what we are hearing is truth, or lie. We will know what feels like fear, or what feels like compassion, and love, and caring, and togetherness. And once we get a taste of what it feels like to listen to our hearts, then the petty things that we used to fear, usually something about these humans over here, and those over there, well, they melt away. And we begin to see the wholeness that is all of us, that IS the HUMAN RACE.

I believe that the microcosm of this debate about gay people, and equal rights, is really just our way to orchestrate a bringing out of the heart that lies in each of us, so that we can do away with the fear that has divided us. Today, we see fear everywhere. Tomorrow, this afternoon, in the next moment, we can change this in ourselves. And that will change our world.

Well, dear humans, I challenge each and every one of you to reach into your own heart. I challenge you to decide, that you will no longer listen to fear. I challenge you to turn off the television, turn off the news, that is infused with fear and all the latest things to be afraid of. I challenge you to tune out the pundits, the politicians, the preachers who preach fear, and instead, to walk away. To decide, simply, not to play that game anymore.

And to the politicians and the preachers and the pundits, I present the same challenge: Walk away from the fear and decide to choose anew. Turn your message into one of hope and compassion and the power of love, and not fear.

We humans are not here to keep fighting, dividing, and finding endless things to battle over. Not anymore. I believe that we can be more than this now. I believe that we are in a new day and that we are being pulled by this day, to look inside, and to find our connection to the creative source from which we all spring. And I believe that if we each have the courage to find this, to touch this, that we will soon see that the old paradigm of fear, and separation, and division, cannot stand.

In fact, I believe that this is our purpose now. That for those of us who are alive in body, here on this planet, that we chose to do this now. That we decided, collectively, somewhere, deep inside of our hearts, that we have had enough of the old way. That we have lived in fear for eons, we have played out every possible battle, every possible division, we have been victims and conquers and kings and servants, all playing in the old paradigm, based on fear. We have even done our best, and a good job of it, to take what God means to us, and turn it into something that preaches fear, not what it really is, and that is love. That is compassion.

So it is, that we are at the dawning of a new age, a new time on this planet and yes, we need the push and the pull of fear, love, division, and unity, to enlighten us, to help us to see the contrast and to decide, that we have had enough and it is time for us to be more. It is time for us, to rise about the petty differences, and to find our hearts. And as we do, and yes, we already ARE, then we begin to find hope, we begin to imagine a better world, and at last, we begin to create a world that we have only dreamed of.

My favorite images of the March on City Hall - LA

2008-11-16T17:39:00.000-08:00

The Tipping Point

2008-11-11T09:28:00.000-08:00

Civil rights movements happen when a group of humans suddenly reach a tipping point where they know that they are worthy of more. For the gay community, we have reached a tipping point where we KNOW that we are worthy of equal rights and that is why we are seeing this spark of activism start in California and move across the country. This has been building for a very long time, but now, in perfect timing, we have reached the tipping point.

Civil rights movements are better called human rights movements. Because when a community reaches the tipping point, perhaps you can call it the “hundredth monkey” effect, when they feel worthy of something important to them, suddenly, the victim hood melts away and the activism must follow. It is impossible, when a group of people reach this point of knowing that they are worthy, for them to go backwards. We only see the humans marching in the streets. What we do not see is the energy, the steam, the propulsion behind this activism. It is self worth, it is deserving, it is at last, the knowing that I am done with this. I am ready to live my life as a fuller human being and nothing, no, nothing can stop me.

We are seeing a microcosm of what mainstream American will be experiencing very soon. We as human beings, as Americans in particular, have not yet decided that we are worthy of MORE. We have not yet hit the tipping point where we decide that we are worthy of health care for our families, that we are worthy of the best education for our children, or to go to the best colleges in the world without walking away $100,000 in debt.

We have not hit the tipping point yet, although we are very close, where we KNOW that we are worthy of the American dream, without resorting to credit cards and massive debt, without sacrificing my family for a 14 hour work day. We have yet to hit the tipping point where we decide that we DESERVE to live under skies that are blue, not stained with smog, to drink water that tastes like a mountain stream, not a chlorinated pool.

We have not yet reached the tipping point where we as human beings – this greater – larger HUMAN RIGHTS MOVEMENT – where are ready to say ENOUGH to the fear that is thrust at us by politicians and pundits and news anchors and preachers. Where we declare that we will not be manipulated by this.

We have not yet hit the tipping point where we are ready to DECLARE THAT I DESERVE AND I AM WORTHY OF MORE. AND I AM WILLING TO MARCH IN THE STREETS, I AM WILLING TO CALL OUT ALL OF THOSE WHO TRY TO USE FEAR TO SAP MY POWER, DIVIDE ME FROM OTHER HUMANS. THAT I AM WILLING, FOR MYSELF, FOR MY CHILDREN, FOR MY FELLOW HUMANS, TO SAY ENOUGH. WE CAN DO BETTER.

No, we are not yet at this tipping point, but we are getting very close. It was the sudden and jarring pulling away of my equal rights that pushed me to declare to myself that I am worthy, and no one will take that away from me. It was a personal assault on all that I know to be true about me, that pushed me to speak up and yell and get angry, and activate. To declare myself. And I am betting that it will be a personal impact to every American, every human, that will trigger this in them.

Whatever that may be, it is coming. It is happening all around us. And we are in the midst of the greatest human rights movements in the history of human kind. We are in the midst of a movement that will sweep across this country and change the very face of our world. This is not about rioting, and violence, this is about a declaration of who I am, that each human must make. And when we reach this tipping point? Magic happens. Our very energy changes our world. Because when you know that you are worthy of MORE, then you can never go back.

God Bless America

2008-11-09T08:54:00.000-08:00

Last night I was at a march that started in Silverlake and ended up shutting down Hollywood and Highland in LA, for much of the night. I was talking to a married couple behind me, one man holding a gay flag with the stars of the American flag integrated into the design. Myself and my friends Ben and Suzanne, were carrying American flags.

I felt compelled to declare to the world by carrying the American flag that yes, indeed, I am an American citizen and perhaps you have forgotten, that in America, we have certain unalienable rights. That as an American citizen I pay taxes, I believe in this country, and so perhaps, to those who chose to vote in favor of taking away my basic rights, you have forgotten that this is so. So I remind you that I am an American citizen, who was born into the American dream in a small town in Southern Oregon, and that I believe in this nation, it's people, and what we can become.

One of the men I spoke with compared this movement to the Stonewall riots of 1969 that marked the beginning of the gay civil rights movement. I agreed, with one exception. This current movement, sweeping California and the nation, does not mark a new beginning in the gay civil rights movement, but indeed, it marks the final chapter. It marks the time when we say ENOUGH.

I for one will not spend the rest of my life fighting for the most basic human rights that as an American citizen should be a given. I for one will not spend the rest of my life trying to convince or prove to people that I am worthy of equality. I am done with this. NO MORE MR. NICE GAY! (Still my favorite sign at the marches)

And this is the passion that I see in the faces of those marching. In every shout, every chant, every movement, there is POWER and in this power is the desire to be DONE with this for good. To send a clear message that no, no more will I let anyone, be it a preacher, a politician, or another American citizen, tell me that I am not worthy. For I AM WORTHY and you know something else?

I have a lot to do in this life beyond this fight! I have a family to create, children to raise, I have books to write and lots of love to make. And I, along with literally thousands of others, and soon to be millions across this country are saying ENOUGH.

We are better than this. We, American citizens, human beings, first and foremost, are better than this. it is time for us to be done with arguing about whether one group of humans is worthy of the same rights as another. We, as a human race, must get beyond this now, or we are doomed to stay in the fight for generations to come. We must find common ground, agree on common HUMAN RIGHTS and move on to create a world that sparkles more than we have ever seen.

I say again, God Bless America, indeed, and God bless the human race, because we CAN do this. We CAN come together. We CAN unite and it is only in our uniting that we can create a better world, and grow up. Stop fighting. Stop tearing each other apart, and instead, start to BUILD together.

An open letter to President Elect Obama,

2008-11-07T16:51:00.000-08:00

Last night, I marched for 5 hours after protesting at the Mormon Temple in Los Angeles. I had a good laugh when I realized that my feet were hurting (having marched for 5 hours the night before) and I remembered something wonderful: About a week ago, I was in Big 5 Sporting goods store and very drawn to a new pair of cushy running shoes. I resisted my instinct to buy the shoes, rationalizing that I already have shoes that I wear for hiking, and to the gym, so why do I need another pair? I remember saying to myself "why do I need these?" "I mean am I going to be walking for miles around LA or what?" Oh did I have a laugh at my soul giving me a nudge last week, and I chose to ignore it. Well, tomorrow, I am going to buy those new running shoes!

Last night, was inspiring, powerful and now I REALLY know that we are in the midst of a revolution of consciousness that is going to spread way beyond the shores of the golden state. I have decided that I am going to buy a case of American flags to hand out at the next rally and march, tomorrow night (Saturday, November 8)iin Silverlake, Los Angeles. Today, I wrote a letter to our new President. I share it below.

Dear President Elect Obama,

If you have been watching the news in the last few days, you no doubt have seen what is amounting to a historical civil rights movement here in California. On the night of your victory, we felt the excitement of a new beginning, then the bitter sting here in the golden state as Prop 8 passed, effectively taking away my civil rights as an American citizen, a Californian and a gay man.

Mr. Obama, my father was a first generation Italian immigrant who served in World War II and never told us, until the final days of his life of the many battles he fought in, and the many medals he won. He was not a man who loved war, he was a man who served his country because he believed in America. He believed in freedom. He went on, through the GI bill, to became a professor of art, and make a wonderful life for myself, my mother, and my brothers and sisters. We had a wonderful, I suppose you could say, “all-American” upbringing.

This I share with you, because I inherited my father’s belief in America, his passion, his optimism. I inherited his belief that America has a purpose, and that purpose is to be a beacon of golden light that shines hope around the world. I share this with you because I inherited his belief that certain things, are well worth fighting for.

In truth, we here in California are facing the fight of our lives, that will reverberate around the country. We are at a historical tipping point in the movement for equal rights that I believe will go beyond gay rights and reach into the hearts of all Americans. We are Americans, but more so, we are simply human beings who share this planet and I believe, we can rise above fear, and the old divisive issues that separate us. I know we can.

Mr. Obama, I am writing to ask if you would lend your voice to this debate. I am asking you to pay a visit to California and march with us in unity. I am asking you to stand with us as we march for an end to discrimination, and a new beginning in the chapter of civil rights and indeed, human rights in this great country that we all share. Help us to show the world that California, and America can be this shining light of hope for all.

I thank you for reading this, and I thank you for having the courage to lead this country, as I know that we can be a better America, that we can be that shining light. I hope that you will consider joining us in a way that will help us to gain a deeper understanding of each other, and how we can come together, and not tear ourselves apart.

Sincerely,

Martin Phillip Bedogne

Sea of Change

2008-11-06T08:51:00.000-08:00

Last night, I attended a rally and march in protest to the passage of Prop 8 here in California that bans gay marriage, a right that has been legal here since early June. Honestly, as wonderful as it was to watch Obama's sweeping win, we all shared the same feeling of having that joy taken away from us when Prop 8 was passing.

I had hoped to find a reason for all of this yesterday, and last night, I found it. Lets just be clear: Prop 8 was funded, not by Californians as much as by the out of state Mormon church, the Knights of Columbus, and Focus on the Family. These organizations, still functioning under tax exempt status as "churches" led this campaign, and they won their momentary victory (by 4 or 5 points) not by appealing to the voters hearts, but by appealing to fear, lying and deceiving voters.

Interesting, isn't it, that they had to resort, and clearly had no problem doing it, to FEAR in order to get prop 8 support.

Now, as I clearly saw and FELT last night, we are not standing for it. The crowd of several thousand consisted of mixed race, gay, straight, babies, toddlers, and lots of your people in their 20's, 30's, and beyond, who were angry, determined, and ACTIVATED.

This was no "poor me" rally. It was not to lament defeat. It was just the opposite. I saw POWER everywhere, from the single mom with the baby in tow, to the gay couples who asked the question "did I get to vote on YOUR marriage?" My favorite sign was: "NO MORE MR. NICE GAY"

I have to be clear here. This proposition was not about gay marriage as much as it was about taking away power. It was an attempt by these churches to push gay people and our large family of supporters into powerlessness. To feel not worthy of marriage, to feel shameful for even wanting this right. One of their ads even said "they have civil unions, they don't need marriage"

These churches, who are in the best position to preach love and hope, choose instead to preach division, fear, and hate. Yes, there is that word again. Hate.
This is no surprise, but what is surprising, is the POWER that is welling up and activating in the gay community and well beyond, to say "ENOUGH". "WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH. WE ARE WORTHY OF EQUAL RIGHTS.

Now, there is a core issue here. A group of humans do not stand up and assert that they are worthy of equality, until they know inside, that they are worthy. And if what I saw last night means anything, it is that the gay community and our families, has decided, that YES, WE ARE WORTHY. And that is a force that is unstoppable.

This a story not about the taking away of power, but instead, it is about the owning of power, self worth, passion, and the will to say "I am worthy, and you will never take that away from me!" This is a story about a community who needed a slap in the face in order to declare our worth. This is a story of how the individual must claim his worth, his power first, then, the group rises up and we change the world. This will go down as a pivotal turning point in the history of equality, human rights, and religion in this wonderful country that we live in.

And perhaps the most moving moment last night, was when the crowd broke out spontaneously in song: "God Bless America". God bless America, indeed! Today, we march to the Mormon Temple in L.A., and today, we begin to create the America that is here for ALL of us. This is a momentous and amazing time.

FEAR Makes the World Go Round - Part 1

2008-10-22T17:45:00.000-07:00

Last night, I am sitting at a little restaurant in West Hollywood, having dinner with a beautiful woman who has come to be a very good friend. She has a way of nudging me to own and claim more of who I am. We talked politics, we talked the old days when she use to go out on the town, we talked about the election. We talked about fear.

Fear. This insidious energy that surges through all of us and winds it’s way through our world almost without being noticed. We talked about how fear seems to be in all of us and we have gotten so use to it, that we take it for granted. We don’t realize just how much fear controls us and determines how we live our lives.

You could say that humans are pre-disposed to fear. If you look at your life, really look, ironically, without fear of what you will see, then you will find fear pulsing through your bloodstream and working it’s tendrils out into all parts of your world.

Fear keeps you from creating the life that you really want. It keeps you small. Take a moment and notice. You might say that humans are pre-disposed to fear, but I do not agree. Anymore than humans are pre-disposed to hate another human, fear is something that is taught, and something that we absorb and take in as simply “part of the human landscape”. I disagree.

You could say that fear is necessary because it keeps us safe. Fear keeps me from walking down a dark alley at night. It keeps me from crossing the street outside of the intersection. It keeps me from drinking too much and driving home. It also keeps me from falling in love, it keeps me from living my dreams, it keeps me from having the audacity to even imagine my dreams.

Any way I look at it, fear controls me. It keeps me in check. It keeps me small. It keeps me from living. Right now, our lives are so steeped in fear, that we cannot imagine living without it. Without the fear, I will have to trust my own intuition, my own judgment, my own self. Without fear, will I run wild? Will I deny my responsibilities? Can I be trusted, without fear keeping me in line?

Imagine, just for a moment, hard as it may be, what a day without fear would feel like. Maybe that is too much for most of us, so how about an hour without fear? Imagine waking up in the morning, and not feeling the little fears come up immediately: I am afraid of being late because I am afraid that my boss will punish me, so I will get out of bed. Without the fear, hell, I could stay in bed all day.

I shower, dress, have a bite to eat, and before I reach the car or the bus, I fear that there will be traffic and it will slow me down. I fear that I will make eye contact with someone strange, or that some jerk will cut me off in traffic and ruin my morning. My mind starts racing to the work at the office, the projects on my desk, the sales I need to make or, I fear, I will be fired. I drop my child at school, and try not to let in the fears about his being hurt on the playground, or bullied by other kids, or not passing the math test, ruining his self confidence, and not getting into a good college.

The fear starts immediately, before I even open my eyes. Now, can you imagine, just for a moment, what it would be like without this fear? How about the bigger fears? The fear that I might lose my child, the fear that I might lose my job, fall into poverty and end up on the street, the fear that I might not make it through another day? How about the most basic fear of all, the fear that perhaps, I am just not enough? That deep inside fear that says, “I may not be enough to do this. To make it through this life. To care for my family. To find happiness.”

Fear. Insidious, consuming, seemingly always present, and perpetuated insanely by the media on a moment to moment basis. Must find something to be afraid of today. Terrorism, of course, that is the big one, identity theft, home invasion… lets see… Barrack Obama, for sure, John McCain, definitely, voter fraud (may not want to vote at all then, because I fear that my vote probably won’t be counted, right?) Gay people, and of course gay marriage, must be very afraid of that, or at least that is what the evangelicals say, because it will lead to the downfall of western civilization (has anyone noticed that we seem to be falling without the help of gay marriage?) how about black people, white men, women who are too powerful and speak up too much – they are very frightening. Immigrants of all kinds, except perhaps Canadian immigrants, but then again, there are not a lot of Canadians lined up at the border to come into a country with a crashing economy and no health care.

And of course, we must be afraid of the financial markets crumbling. Why? I don’t own any stock, you might say, but I must watch the ticker on the financial network and be very afraid when it goes down, and even be willing to send billions of dollars to the very people who seem to be responsible for the falling markets, just because, I am afraid. Afraid of something, and just maybe, “they” can fix it, and then I won’t have to worry or be afraid of this one thing for a while and I can go back to my life.

It does seem, that fear makes the world go round. And actually, it does. It has for millennia. Can you believe, however, that it doesn't have to anymore? Can you consider, just for a moment, that there could be a better way? What would happen to our world, if fear were not the driving energy behind all of what we do? Imagine, just for moment, if you can, a day without fear. Imagine, just for a moment, that we can be done with that game. And consider, that just maybe, now, when there seems to be so much to be in fear of, that this is the perfect time and perhaps even the destined time, to be done with fear, and to try something new.

Yes, this all sounds rather impossible. Very impossible you might say, and I would not disagree with your apprehension, because it takes a decision by each of us, individually, to change our lives, and then to let that change from fear, to trust, shift the world around us. It takes a decision by me, and only me, to stop playing the game of fear and to shift to a new place.

To begin? Just set aside your disbelief that this is at all possible, and then we have an opening to try something new. And I know that you and I are primed for it, and I know that millions of people are primed and ready, to release the chains of fear and all that is attached to it, all the ways that it limits us. I know that millions of us are ready to try something new. I believe it is time to stop playing the fear game, and tap into something far greater inside of each of us. To tap into our desire for MORE. Our desire to be better, to live better, to create a far better world. And inside, we know we can. we KNOW we can do better and the first step, is to commit to letting go of fear.

Not Enough

2008-10-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

We must each become the visionary of our own lives. We cannot afford anymore, to go through life letting others decide who we are, what we should do, who we should be. Most of us spend our lives trying to live up to the expectations of others. We try to fit into a mold that we think we must, in order to function and succeed in society, when in reality, what we so often do is turn over ourselves to the real or imagined expectations of others.

When we do, we turn over our power to someone else to determine what I should think, what I should do, and who I should be. And when we turn over our power, we try and find ways to feel more powerful. We try to control our lives, we try to pump up ourselves with money, and material things, even pretty girlfriends and handsome boyfriends. All ways to compensate for a deep feeling of “not enough” that we all seem to share.

Perhaps it is this deep feeling of “not enough” that can be the tie that binds us all together. I wonder if this can be a wonderful way for humans to finally connect with each other no matter who we are, our religion, or our politics.

All of my life, I have heard that we humans must find a way to focus on that which is the same between us, rather than different. We all know that we are far more alike, than not, but for eons, we have chosen to fear what makes us different, all the while, particularly here in America, considering “individuality” to be perhaps the most important characteristic for each of us to develop.

It is a fine line, isn’t it, that we strive for individuality, but only to the degree that it is not threatening to someone else. We strive to look different, to wear our hair different, but not too different. We like to pride ourselves on being a “maverick” or an “independent” person, when really, so often, this means that I simply choose to buy a pair of jeans with the label “maverick” on it.

I wonder, if we are ready to acknowledge that we each do hold this core feeling of “not enough”? Can we truly look at others around us and calmly acknowledge, that everyone, no matter who they are, is, in their own way, trying to fill this feeling?

So many philosophers through out the ages have referred to this “not enough” as that feeling of aloneness, separation, powerlessness, or emptiness. Yet it seems that despite the ages, we still find ourselves wrestling with this most often unseen nemesis.

Now, what if we were to take a look at this “not enough” and first, acknowledge that it is there, and be brave enough to look it in the eye? What if we said to ourselves: “you know, even in the best of times I have only fleeting moments of real joy, real meaning in my life, and I would like more, indeed, I deserve more!” What would happen, then?

Is it time to find out what this "not enough" really is, so that we can heal it?

The AUDACITY to Believe

2008-10-07T17:24:00.000-07:00

I watched a great movie recently: "How the West Was Won", which I saw at the Cineramadome, a huge circular theatre in Hollywood. I had never seen this movie, that I remembered, and was never really interested in cowboys, Indians, and the wild west. Having grown up in Oregon, I always hated being dragged to another wild west museum by my parents. Now I realize that, having grown up in fairly rural Oregon, these were pretty much the only museums around.

Watching this old movie, and loving every bit of it, I found myself wondering how in only 200 years or so, we turned the “wild west” into Starbucks, Hometown Buffett, Hollywood Video, and MacDonald’s in every once wild west town on the old pioneer trail. I remember growing up, an old black and white western movie playing on the TV and asking my dad: “when you were my age, did you have to battle Indians?” and he, with a smile replied: “No… I’m not quite that old”.

What he did do, was fight in multiple battles in the South Pacific in World War II, later dying of Melanoma skin cancer, perhaps from being exposed to the intense South Pacific sun for those few, intense years. I find it amazing that by the time he got out of the war, he was in his early twenties, and had seen more than I have ever, and hopefully, will ever see. Great atrocities, bloody battles, and the worst and best that human beings can be.

I often think that while I have spent so much of my life “remembering who I really am, finding myself, and figuring out why I am here” that he most likely got it very quickly when faced with life and death and such unimaginable destruction at such an early age. While I was in my late teens and partying relentlessly at my frat house, discovering all the different ways that alcohol can be mixed and consumed (like Jello shots) he was busy staying alive.

He believed in America. His parents were Italian immigrants who arrived in Pennsylvania and worked in the coal mines. His father, a union organizer, faced life or death himself, when the powers that be, tried to burn down their house, not wanting the workers to unionize.

So now I watch "How the West Was Won" and I am happy that it was not a gun-ho cowboy movie where the Indians were the bad guys and the god-fearing pioneers, the heroes. In fact, it gave a pretty good taste of how the west was really won, and it was pretty much by wiping out anyone and anything in our path. But that was not all. The west was “won” by a passion for a new life. It was the spirit of adventure, the desire for a better life, that propelled the pioneers to take off across the seemingly endless landmass of North America and search for their own little piece of paradise.

I have to believe, that right now, as we watch many of our “rock solid” institutions crumble, that we are being called to find this spirit in ourselves. We are being called to imagine a better way of life. This time, not by wiping out everything in our way, but by re-creating our lives anew. Each of us is being called, and the call gets louder each day, to re-create our lives anew, while digging in our heals and staying the same gets more and more difficult.

We are being called by our souls to ask ourselves: “Who am I?” “What do I really want?” “What kind of life would I like to create?” and “Why the hell am I here, anyway?” We are being called to be visionaries in our own lives.

Most of us won’t let ourselves be visionaries. We won’t let ourselves imagine that our lives can be FAR MORE MAGNIFICENT than we will allow them to be. We play it close to the belt, because we truly, don’t believe that we have the ability to create a life that is beyond most of the humans around us. Why do wealthy families create wealthy kids? Because their standard expectation is “wealthy”. Why do the poor so often stay poor, and their children repeat the same? Because being poor is their standard expectation.

Yet there have always been a few visionaries who say to themselves “it does not matter if I was born poor, I am going to educate myself and create a new life” or “I don’t care that my family have always been oil men. I am going to invest in new energies that are good for this planet, and good for human beings”. There are always a few visionaries who have the audacity to believe that THEY CAN BE MORE, AND THAT THIS WORLD CAN BE A BETTER PLACE.

It is this drive, this visionary dreaming turned into real world creation that we must all harness in our own way now. The adventure of living is that we can create and re-create our lives anew in every moment. We just have to remember that we have the ability to do it. AND we MUST HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CHOOSE TO BE MORE.

I have the audacity. I KNOW that I can be more, and I know that we can be more. And deep down, or perhaps bubbling right under the surface, I think that you know this too. I think that you are reading this because you are being drawn to imagine more. While we watch our financial institutions crumble, we can either go into fear, or we can claim our natural right as human beings and choose to create ourselves anew. For too long, we have forgotten that we can.

I believe that it is time to harness this sense of power, this sense of adventure that is pulling you and tugging you and saying – “Hey – we can be more than this! We can be better!” This is soul tugging your shirt, because your soul KNOWS that you can do this. Your soul LONGS for adventure, it LONGS for magic, because that is where it dwells. It does not dwell in fear or apathy, it dwells in HOPE and EXCITEMENT AND PASSION AND THE DRIVE TO BE MORE. When you feel fear, your soul does everything it can to help you out of it. You just have to invite it in.

We are at a pivotal time for humans on this planet. As old institutions that were really based on profit, greed, and control, fall, they take with them our outdated, and limiting belief systems, like lack, powerlessness, and not enough. And as these melt away, we each are presented with the opportunity to call upon our soul, ask for help, and to re-create our lives anew.

The Teachers are Waking up and Coming Out

2008-09-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

This is a pivotal time on this planet and in the history of human kind. While the vibration of the planet is increasing, we are each being prodded and tugged by our souls, to remember who we really are, and with this, to remember our soul’s purpose.

Right now, in my life, I find myself remembering that I came here to be a teacher, a communicator, a leader. And all around me, I find people who are waking to this same scenario. They are being pulled by soul to remember who they are, so that they can carry out the agreements and commitments that they created before coming into this lifetime.

We are at a pivotal time in the history of humankind. We are coming out of “the dark ages” so to speak and remembering who we are. And, there are a slew of us who agreed to remember, to be on the leading edge, to come out, to come forward and be the light houses for so many more humans who are ready to wake up.

While religions have foretold of this time, this time of “the second coming” so to speak. I think that the original meaning of this was the “second coming of the higher vibration on this planet and the light returning to illuminate the dark so that we can see who we really are”.

This is not about religion. It is about each of us remembering that we are a soul and that we are powerful and that we create our own reality and that we chose to remember who we are at this time on this planet we call earth.

Now, the best way to remember who you are is to create all kinds of scenarios that seem very contrary to who you really are. Wars and conflicts and feelings of powerlessness are contrary to who we are, but also part of this great play that we have all cast ourselves in as players, directors, producers, set builders, and the rest. We have each cast ourselves as the lead in our own production, agreeing to play on this one great stage that we call life, here on planet earth, currently set in the early 2000’s.

The most important thing that we can each do right now, is to stay “above the fray” so to speak. Do not give in to fear, because that will hold you down. Do not give into powerless, or disappointment, or feeling that there is no hope, because that does you no good. Do not get caught up in the drama and the conflict and creating any kinds of us vs. them scenarios, because remember that in a play, we have “villains” “good guys” “bad guys” and everything in between. And at the end of the play, everyone takes off their costumes and goes to wrap part to toast the fun that they have had.

In fact, I can see so many of us at the close of this life, on the other side, doing just that. The democrats high fiving the republicans, the Cheney’s high fiving the Obamas and saying “hey – we needed the contrast to wake up and boy did we do it! One hell of a ride!”

Now, this does not mean that you sit back and do nothing in this life, hiding under the covers. It means that you follow your souls tug to pursue what feels right to you – to create what feels passionate and exciting to you – to never let anyone tell you that you can’t do what you know you are hear to do.

Create that magical children’s play that will help our little ones to never forget who they are. Teach your children a joyous way to live, to learn, that does not include fear, but is infused with hope, magic and passion. Create that “unheard of” educational program that is infused with love and light and not fear and exclusiveness.

And first and foremost, create for yourself a life that is charged with passion and power and creativity, and the knowing that you are here for a great and grand purpose and that nothing can stop you. You must choose yourself first. You must choose to create the life of your dreams for you, and as you do, you will be able to create whatever you want in this world and be the teacher, the communicator, the visionary leader, that you know you are here to be, if for you family, your friends, or the world at large.

Stay out of the fight, stay out of the dramas, stay above the fray and you will find that your life transforms. Do not engage in endless debates that leave you feeling drawn out, frustrated, and powerless, but rather, bring forth a larger perspective of why we are in a “battle” between the republicans and the democrats, and choose a higher ground.

I believe that if indeed we are in any kind of battle on this planet right now, we are in the battle of HOPE vs. POWERLESSNESS. We are in a battle of FEAR vs. LOVE. We are in a place right now in this country and in this world where it is imperative for each of us to seed HOPE in our daily lives and not give into the endless stream of fear that pours out of our media. Fear is designed to make you feel powerless. Hope is energizing.

Turn off the television and the endless stream of talk radio, all designed to keep you in the battle and decide one thing for yourself: Today, I choose hope. Today I choose to live my life with hope and to seed hope wherever I go, because there are more than enough people who are living in the battle, in the fear. I don't need to be one of them. I choose to live my life in hope and in this hope to let my soul drive my purpose and power my creations in this life. I am one who seeds hope. For it is in hope that I find my power and my passion and my purpose.”

DISAPPOINTMENT and DISILLUSIONMENT - Part II

2008-09-06T10:52:00.000-07:00

So what if this is just a cycle? What if we USE disillusionment and disappointment (D&D) to actually KEEP us from experiencing the joy of life, rather than assuming that D&D are just "natural responses" to situations that do not live up to our expectations?

I have to ask myself what point of view feels more powerful and what point of view feels more powerless? If I want to feel powerless then I must maintain beliefs and assumptions that keep this feeling of powerlessness alive. So I would be drawn to (almost always subconsciously) beliefs that put the power outside of me, in the hands of some unseen force, or often some seen force, like my government, my religious leaders, my boss, my dog, my cat (love them, but do they really need to run the house?)

I guess what I am getting myself is that if you SWAP your old belief that D&D are "uncontrollable, natural reactions" that I experience when my expectations are not met, with a new belief that says: D&D are tools that I actually use, initiate, to keep me in a cycle - a cycle of setting expectations with excitement, and joy, then seeing D&D creep in and take the wind out of my sails.

So if this is all really up to us, and I have to ask myself, "how much do you really believe that you are creating every bit of your reality, and how much are you turning over to something else? then the fact is that it is all up to me to see my cycles, my patterns, my tools and I can choose to say goodbye to these old tools and change my life - change my reality.

I think what this comes down to is responsibility. If I am willing to go there with this, to say "you know, I use D&D as a braking mechanism. It is not using me, I am using it to keep my life in my estimation, manageable, known, and safe. To keep things pretty much the same from day to day, to put the stopper on that fantastic and inspired idea, that wonderful creation that I know is part of my contribution to this world and part of my commitment here on this planet in this life.

So this is really about, how big will I let myself be? Will I let myself see my DREAMS become real? And can I do this work, take more responsibility for my beliefs, my old assumptions about how life works, without passing judgment on myself?

You know, my ego wants to go to this place of "look how much time you have wasted using D&D to keep your life "manageable" yet I know that this is totally not true. In fact, I know for me, and for those of you who are reading that you are reading this because you soul is saying "time to get this - time to remember this and re-align yourself and you are right on time!" I say, turn over Disappointment and Disillusionment to your soul, and say: "I am done with this. Lets see what my life feels like as I let this go. Lets go for it. Lets see just how great life can feel."

Whenever I feel myself hesitating to take a leap or a step that I know will change my life, I often say: "you know, you and everyone around you will be gone in a 100 years - off on a new adventure. So why wait? Why worry about what other people will think of you if you fail, or worse yet, IF YOU SUCCEED? What the hell are you afraid of!? Take the leap! Go for it and ride the wave. That is what this life is for. To decide that you want and deserve MORE and to let yourself have it. Remember, it is your life, not anyone else's.

Let "them" create and live their lives and you create and live yours. You will notice that as you do this more and more with conscious creation, that all of those old fears melt away.

More to come... Martin Phillip...

Disappointment and Disillusionment

2008-08-31T13:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend, these two energies became brilliantly clear to me. Not because I went through some horrible or traumatic event, but because I went through what is perhaps one of the most significant experiences in my recent days on this planet.

I slept in a bit, woke after 8AM, which for me, even on a Saturday is rare. I just like to wake up, look out the window and be in the world. I lingered at home, made some tea, then realized that I had better hit the road if I was going to get from LA to San Juan Capistrano in Orange County by 10:30AM.

You see, I was headed down to spend a day working on a story that has been close to me for a very long time, with two co-creators, Jan and Don. In the shower that morning I felt that there was something significant that was knocking me on the head. Something that was perhaps holding me back that I could not really define. It was something that I wanted to understand – a missing piece – that was important for me. So I said to cosmos, as I do, “bring me the information I need in the most direct and positive form possible”

I got on the freeway, hit loads of traffic, and made it to my destination about 11:15AM. We had a glorious story session, flushing out details for two screenplays, then decided to sit down and have a channeling session. Jan is a channeler and brings through a being called Aero. A wonderful energy, very focused on “getting the job done” in a way. Goal oriented, rather than just a lot of airy fairy concepts.

While I do enjoy the larger concepts for sure, the point for me is to get a handle on what ways I can be happier, more fulfilled, and live my purpose. Tools. I am always on the look for tools.

And here is comes. Aero and friends, and they were insistent. They wanted to talk about this energy of disappointment, and disillusionment, and how we each use these two energies in our lives to hold us back. And that we feel powerless to not feel these two very unpleasant emotions. We think they just happen when our expectations are not meant. But, as I was to find out, that is not the case.

The story that Jan and Don and myself have been working on is something that brought us together several years ago. We have always wanted it to come to fruition faster than it has, and only recently have I really made piece with the reality that it’s time was not then, but it is now. Why? Because I am ready now.

Along the way, as you can imagine, and can probably relate to in your life, I have felt some disappointment, and disillusionment. Thinking my life should be a certain way NOW and not later. Thinking I should be living in a big house NOW and not later. And even though my life has been going very well these last few years, I still have not seen the larger goals, the larger creations become real.

To cut right to the chase, what I got yesterday, in this awesomely empowering and a little humbling session, was that I was able to first SEE that I use disappointment and disillusionment to hold myself back. How often have you had a great idea, something that you are so passionate about and you just want to run out the door and scream it out and get going, then 30 seconds later, you hear that little voice that says: “better not yell too loudly, because if you aren’t able to accomplish this dream, then those folks out there are going to look at you like you are a nut - like you are one of those dreamers who dreams but cannot make it real. So better just pull back now, reel yourself back, because you would hate to feel the sting of disappointment if your dream does not come to be, right?

Now there it is, in a nutshell. We each hold ourselves back and often use this energy of disappointment, or disillusionment, as a way to keep us from soaring. Better play it safe and keep your passionate and wonderful and inspiring SELF quiet. Why? Because I am afraid that I might disappoint myself, others, and if I do that, then it is going to hurt. So why try?

This is really why so many of us abandon our dreams and “settle” for something less fantastic. We feel that if our dreams do not manifest quickly, that we have failed, and we feel disappointed and disillusioned.

The beauty of this is that none of us have to keep using these two energies if we don’t want to. They are designed to put the brakes on. But they are purely an ego creation. They are designed to keep up a feeling of powerlessness, that there is something outside of me that is pulling the strings and if “they” are not as passionate about my great idea as I am, then “they” won’t give it to me. So better not go there.

More to come on this… and how can we decide, then let go of this old braking mechanism, so that we can really fly.

The Energy of MORE

2008-08-14T13:16:00.000-07:00

The energy of MORE, the desire for MORE is such a strong energy that it can propel you forward with great power. The problem is that most of us will not let ourselves imagine that we CAN or even SHOULD desire more. It is less the “asking for more” and more the “choosing more” that gives us the power of our desires.

Notice the difference between “asking for more” and the innate assumption that I must ask for more of something larger than me, and that hopefully this larger part of me will decide to “give” me more, vs., if you instead CHOOSE more.

To me, when you “ask” it implies that there is something outside of you that must decide to give. Usually, if I am good enough, if I deserve it, then this force outside of me will decide to give me what I ask for. Usually we call this force, God.

Now, if I instead shift my thinking just a bit and instead of “asking” decide to CHOOSE to create what I want, then the implication is that I HAVE THE POWER TO CREATE WHAT I WANT AND THAT I AM DESERVING. Notice the difference?

Most of us hold an underlying belief that God is outside of us, and we must be good in order to have a good life. Yet God, what we call this great source energy, is not outside of us, but WITHIN EACH OF US. Not only within, we are PART of this great source energy. And the way this planet works, is that I, being part of source energy, have the sole responsibility for creating my reality.

We think that I must respond to this source energy, when, really, the source energy responds to us and creates per our beliefs and assumptions. So get this: ISN’T IT FAR MORE POWER TO LET YOURSELF BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE IN PARTNERSHIP WITH GOD, THIS SOURCE ENERGY (YOUR SOUL) AND THAT YOU CREATE TOGETHER PER YOUR CHOICES RIGHT HERE IN THIS PHYSICAL BODY, RATHER THAN PUTTING GOD AND SOUL AND SOURCE AT THE TOP OF A PYRAMID AND YOU DOWN AT THE BASE TRYING TO CLIMB UP AND HOPING TO GET A FEW SCRAPS ALONG THE WAY?

The bottom line here is that this planet, this place where we have dropped in for this life, responds to each of us and creates our own reality. That is why you can have a hundred humans in a room, all watch an event, and have 100 different interpretations. We each create our own reality, OUR OWN BUBBLE and we interact and bump into everyone else’s bubble.

Might be a good time to take a look at what IS in this bubble of reality that you are creating, and consider why we all keep creating the SAME things over and over again. Time for more BLUNT honesty and intimacy with yourself.

CREATING YOUR OWN REALITY – THE BASICS

2008-08-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

My 6 year old niece asked me this question the other day: “Uncle, I have to ask you something… do you think that you can have whatever you want?”

“Sure” I said. “Well I have heard that you can’t” she replied. I went on to offer this bit of incite as the wise OLD uncle that I am (at least in her eyes). I said: “If you can imagine it, you can have it.” She paused for a moment, and then changed the conversation over to something else.

Now, I am guessing that she saw something on TV or in the toy store that she REALLY wanted and like all parents, her mom had to tell her “no, you can’t have everything that you want.” And that was good advice as I certainly remember wanting EVERYTHING at the toy store and my mom saying the same thing. Of course, I like to think that my niece was hinting at a deeper, more universal meaning with this question: “Can we have everything that we want?”

The reality is that each of us ask ourselves this question in different ways every singe day, a thousand times a day. And usually, we reply to ourselves “no, you can’t have that, not now, maybe sometime in the future, or maybe never.” Yet if we are living on this planet that was CREATED by us, as a place FOR us to CREATE OUR OWN REALITY, then why CAN’T we have everything that we want?

Well, right about now, ego tends to kick in and say “who are you to want it all? Don’t you know that you are suppose to be happy with what you get, and be humble, and that to want to have it all, whatever that means to you, is just, well, egotistical? What ARE you, an egotistical maniac?” Good old ego, there, doing it’s best to keep us from getting too big for our britches because it is just not right to want to have it all.

Yet I contend, and I am standing by this, that we are here on this planet, in these bodies, bumping into each other so that we can REMEMBER WHO WE ARE and that we are SUPPOSE to have it all. THAT TO HAVE IT ALL IS OUR BIRTHRIGHT, AND THAT IT IS ALSO OUR BIRTHRIGHT TO DECIDE JUST WHAT HAVING IT ALL MEANS FOR ME.

We limit ourselves, every day because we do not believe that we have the power to create MORE in our lives. We see others with a piece of what we want and we get angry, or we feel resentful, and the only reason why we feel these negative emotions is because at our core, WE DO NOT BELIEVE THAT WE CAN CREATE IT FOR OURSELVES. And when you feel powerless, your ego finds all kinds of ways to make yourself feel more powerful.

WE ARE ALL TRYING TO COMPENSATE FOR A BASIC UNDERLYING BELIEF THAT SAYS “I AM NOT ENOUGH”. I am not enough to have it all, I am not enough to create what I want. I am not enough and there fore I am powerless and there fore I must not deserve to have it all, because it just seems so impossible. I am just me, just this guy, and no matter how much I push and pull and try and stay awake at night, I am still not satisfied.

First step for all of us: REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE, THAT YOU ARE PART OF SOMETHING MUCH LARGER. We feel powerless, because we think that we are just this body here, doing and doing and keeping busy, and we want to believe that there is more, but our ego has a vested interest in keeping us in disbelief. Our ego is simply something that WE created to help us fill this void that we felt. To help us to compensate for feeling separate from SOURCE, from SOUL.

This time on our planet, and it is NO MISTAKE that we are all here asking these same questions, THIS TIME ON OUR PLANET IS PERFECTLY PLANNED BY US AND FOR US TO REMEMBER THAT WE ARE SO MUCH MORE AND THAT WE ARE PART OF SOMETHING SO MUCH BIGGER AND MAGNIFICENT. THIS IS A TIPPING POINT TIME ON THIS PLANET AND FOR HUMANKIND. And, you are with me here, asking these questions, and we are all being pushed and prodded by our souls to REMEMBER WHO WE ARE.

The bottom line is, that we are a body, a SOUL, and connected to SOURCE ENERGY. And the only reason why we feel so powerless is because we have forgotten that we have this whole team that are part of each of us. This body, this soul, my soul family, all here to BE WITH ME and to SUPPORT ME and my desires and creations here in this body and in this amazing place called planet EARTH. What a crazy, wonderful, LONG LOST SECRET this is.

Talk about remembering ancient knowledge. Once we each just crack open the door a bit to this idea of letting in the greater parts of ourselves, our SOUL, then the magic REALLY starts to happen and this is perhaps the first step to CRAFTING THE LIFE OF YOUR DREAMS. We must let in SOUL and let go of this belief that we are alone here in this body and have to push and meddle our way to get what we want. That is a great way to wear yourself out.

I challenge everyone to crack open the door, see how it feels, and let the magic in your life expand exponentially. This belief that we are ALONE is one of the primary beliefs that we must let go of and re-align in order to usher in the power of the universe. The power of ourselves to create a wonderful life, and a wonderful world.

Lets Make this INTERACTIVE

2008-07-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post, I encourage anyone reading to dive in and share your thoughts, comments, and personal stories. This is designed to be an interactive blog that can help each of us expand our sense of REMEMBERING who we are and why we are here, so don't be shy!

SELF WORTH (101)

2008-07-24T12:06:00.000-07:00

This idea of self worth is so important, I feel compelled to address it right here at the beginning of this blog. No doubt, we will return to it again and again. Self worth, to me, is really the VALUE that I place on MYSELF and on my expressions in the world.

I use to think that I had a pretty healthy self worth. And I suppose in some areas I did, in comparison to a lot of people. But what I noticed, was that no matter how much I practiced the "Law of Attraction" or worked with this idea of creating my own reality, there was this one thing that seemed to get in the way. This one thing, was self worth.

What I really get now is that Self Worth is an energy of it's own, and it is directly tied to soul. Do you imagine that your soul even knows the concept of self worth? No. Because to your soul, your REAL you, self worth is a given. I am born, I am here, I am breathing, so I deserve it all. In fact, it is my BIRTHRIGHT to have it all.

The key here is that no matter what, your self worth determines what you allow into your life. Be it the good stuff, or the stuff that we don't want. It all comes down to "what I feel that I am worthy of" or "What I deserve". What I discovered in myself, is that I had a very healthy ego that did not want for me to look inside, really look inside, and honestly assess my self worth.

To me, it is like this energy of self worth is a FUEL, a POWERFUL ENERGY that when it is expanded, it PUSHES upon your desires and helps you craft the life of your dreams. SELF WORTH is it's own unique energy that can be looked at, and expanded. AND we use ego to hide a low self worth.

So one of the first things to do when crafting a new life, is to take a good, honest look, at your self worth, and try not to cringe if you find out that you have been using all kinds of things to compensate for a low self worth. Money, physical appearance, material things, alcohol, all used to make you FEEL more worthy, when inside, you feel "not enough".

More to come on SELF WORTH as it is so important, but for now, I simply suggest doing what I have done: TAKE AN HONEST ASSESSMENT OF YOUR SELF WORTH AS IT RELATES TO EVERY PART OF YOUR LIFE. It could be higher in one area, lower in another. And just a bit of acknowledgment, attention, and making friends with this energy, can change your life forever.

And So it Begins...

2008-07-23T13:53:00.000-07:00

This title, "Life Crafting" came to me a few months ago, and I like it. I realize that what I have been doing for myself these last few years is literally this: crafting a new life. Not that my old life was bad, by any means, but quite simply, I have felt a pull to "remember who I am" for a very long time and I would describe my seeking as just that. Remembering, piece by piece, who I really am underneath the body, the ego, the layers of assumptions about who I am SUPPOSE to be, that come from me, or that I have accepted from others all of my life.

I have come to realize that from day one in this life in this world, we lay on all kinds of things that shadow who we really are. We take on what our parents and family and friends think we SHOULD be, we accept beliefs as TRUTH just because they come from what we would call a "credible" and often loving source, and yet none of this is who we really are.

This is a time where I have peeled away layer after layer after layer of stuff, and with each layer, I discover more of who I really am beneath it all. My innate talents, my soul, my light. And I think that this is really what is important right now: For each of us to peel away what is NOT the core, the soul of who we are, in order to live more authentically. To be who I am, without fear, without hesitation, without shame, without any limitations.

And, not surprisingly, I am finding that A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE around me are also seeking to find their authentic self. So I decided it was time to share a bit. It has been quite a ride and the important thing that I have to keep reminding myself of is that there is NO RIGHT OR WRONG, AND THAT I AM AND YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE. You are not behind, you are not trying to catch up, you are RIGHT where you should be.

Why is this important right now? I am compelled to share now, my story because I think that with so many people seeking MORE of who they really are, we are at a prime and pivotal point in the evolution of human kind. We are at a point where the more of us who seek and find, the better this world gets, because we are not longer functioning in the dark, feeling batted about by other people's realities, and instead, we are CREATING OUR OWN REALITY.

I know that as you peel away the layers, accept yourself, your value, your self worth, that you cannot NOT then begin to accept that you created it all. And as such, that you can RE-CREATE it now, in the picture that brings YOU the most joy. Not your mom, not your friends, not that guru on TV, but YOU. Because no matter what, when we each seek our own joy, our own authentic self and then LIVE that, no matter what we DO in the world, we cannot NOT help but bring in more LIGHT and COMPASSION and UNDERSTANDING. Just what this world needs, wouldn't you agree?